The Next Job, Part II: Know Your Stuff

Aside from computing, my other passion has always been medicine. In fact, I was a pre-med student for two semesters when I first started college, but decided to pursue computer engineering instead because I would start making money sooner (5 years compared to surgery's 13 years). In the back of my mind, I've always thought I might make the jump back to medicine, perhaps in a position that integrates computing.

With the prospect of unemployment in March 2015, I wondered whether this was the opportunity to consider a medical career. I reasoned that if my wife's job could support the family wholly for a few years, I might return to school and start out as a nurse, working my way towards surgery. Possibility. The harder I considered this, I became convinced that your 30's are the last opportunity to settle into your last career, one that will take you into a comfortable retirement. Yes, you still have another 30 years before retirement age, but it is much harder to change careers after your 30's. You surely can change jobs within your career, but not many more times. Age discrimination is on the rise, as well as a growing younger and immigrant labor force that will make the labor market highly competitive. Old dogs cannot learn new tricks.

In the end, I decided to stick with computing as my career. In fact, I also determined that I would be really good at it that even in my 50's, I'll still be markatable with tons of relevant experience. Having learned what skills were in demand for jobs I could qualify for, the next step was to determine which skills I already have, which ones I needed to spruce up, and which ones I need to attain. Out of 55 skills, I decided to focus on 25 of the most requested, and gave myself a year (until July 2015) to master them. Even with the birth of our son and off-schedule sleeping routines, I still manage 2-4 hours of quiet study in the mornings while everyone else sleeps, so I have a chance to pursue this goal.

The Next Job, Part I: Skills In Demand

I'll be the first to confirm that there is no such thing as "job security". It used to be that if you did something unique or very few people did what you do, you were safe. It used to be like that for me, until our company was bought out by another. Suddenly everything changed, and my position is scheduled for elimination in March 2015. Never mind that what I did will remain, probably assigned to somebody that has no experience with it.

But I'm not one to bemoan spilled milk: I quickly came up with a strategy for landing my next job. It comprises of 4 steps: (1) determining what skills are "hot" in the industry, (2) reviewing the skills I have, (3) attaining any new compelling skills, and (4) determining how I'll identify my next job. That last step is important: you don't want to apply for anything that comes across your radar just because you have the skills it requires.

For the last 4 months, I have tallied the general categories of skills or qualifications in jobs posted at Dice, Glassdoor, SimplyHired, Indeed, Careerbuilder, and LinkedIn. The jobs match a general search query "java+web+developer+software+engineer", and I only tallied the ones I could reasonably apply for, even if I did not have all the required skills. Additionally, I got a torrent of job matches arrived via the armies of IT recruiters out there, almost as soon as I posted on the first job site. Fortunately, their matches are closer to what I am looking for (except for the relocation).

Below are the results of what's hot in my nexus (step 1), skills that I should know if I will be highly marketable. They are sorted by relative importance, with must-haves at the bottom. It says, for example: "there is three times as much demand for ORM frameworks (such as Hibernate) than there is for portal technologies (such as portlets or iFrames)" among the jobs I could do. The data shows that I should care little about the skills at the top; the ones at the bottom are my best bet. The next question then is: which of these skills do I have (am I sure about or expert at)? Future blog post.

The Oxygen Experiment

Although Mozy was 9 days late, he was born with a condition called respiratory insufficiency, which is more common in premature babies than those who are full term (and late). He even spent a night in the NICU to stabilize the condition. Its causes range from high altitude (thin air) to insufficient surfactant, or inefficient surfactant conversion at birth (when the lungs switch from breathing amniotic fluid to breathing air. That first cry plays a huge role in the conversion, helping lungs expand and fill with air). Whatever the case, he needed oxygen for 3 weeks, a slow 1/16mLH administered by nasal tube.

At 2 weeks old, we did the first overnight test to see if the lungs had matured more. Basically the pediatrician puts in an order with a home oxygen supply company, who loan you a pulse oximeter. You are supposed to monitor over at least a 6-hour period with the subject off oxygen, then send in results. The pediatrician usually calls within a couple of days with her observations. Even though I thought the numbers looked good, we were crushed when the pediatrician told us Mozy's numbers were to borderline to get him off the oxygen. For the next test a week later, I really wanted to see the numbers myself, and ensure that the oxygen machine we had at home was working.

At 3 weeks old, we did the second test. This time, I sat for the first three hours (between feedings) and recorded the numbers every minute (180 readings). Either I'm a bad parent for conducting experiments on my kid, or I miss the lab environment at university, or I'm just a nerd. Either way, the first 60 readings were while he was on oxygen so I could see how efficiently his lungs were performing: 98% saturation on average. So the darn oxygen machine was doing its job; I couldn't blame that if this test failed.

Without oxygen, I took 120 readings and plotted them thus:

As can be seen, he had mostly 95% saturation (median and average are both 95%) over that period. The normal range is 94% and above, according to NIH. In fact, he was above the threshold 88% of the time! I would have been so surprised, or even reject the results, had the pediatrician called and said the second test was a failure too. I'd show her my numbers and demand to see hers. My first 3 hours would have had to match her set for me to accept her conclusion (which would mean that Mozy slowly deteriorates in lung function the longer he is off oxygen). But thank God the pediatrician confirmed our expectation: Mozy did not need to be on oxygen anymore, everything looked great.

You can't imagine the freedom: no more noisy oxygen maker or a slacking a line from it wherever the baby is taken. No more oxygen canisters when we travel, and irritation on his upper lip from the oxygen tube. He had grown strong enough to rip the tube off his face, and it worried us how hazardous that could be. Better sleep!

Two Weeks In, 9 Things

It's still unreal that we are actually parents. It still feels a little weird to hear my wife say "my son ..." on the phone or for people to refer to me as "his dad ...". A little undeserved, I think, because in many ways I am still the same old self. Not much has changed about me personally, or at least not as much as I thought would happen.

Change is full throttle nonetheless. It's been a tremendous advantage that I only need 4 hours of sleep a night, and thus have not felt depravation. The only change has been *when* I go to sleep (earlier than I like). For the mom, it's not only about how little sleep she gets and how often it is interrupted, but also when she gets it, and worse because 9-hour nights were the norm. So to help her get more sleep, we came up with a plan: after his midnight feeding, I bring him downstairs and will service the 3am feeding with formula or pumped breastmilk. This way, she can sleep from midnight to 6am when the next feeding would be due. It's worked well so far.

OTHERWISE:

(1) At 16 days old, he weighed in 16oz over his birth weight. Not sure whether that's good or bad. As of 3 days ago, he no longer needs supplemental oxygen. Definitely a good thing. Celebrate small victories.

(2) He has a good sleep/feed cycle of 2.5-3 hours for the time being. When he awakes, it's pretty much feeding, then diaper changing, then clothing, then holding, the off to sleep again. Quite predictable, we like that.

(3) We hate co-sleeping, but more times than not, he can only go to sleep in our arms or in our "space". So we got one of those co-sleepers that you put in bed. But we can't let his nursery go to waste, so we'll shove him out of our bed the soonest we can.

(4) If you want, you can worry all day long about the baby. How he breathes weird, what sounds like congestion after he eats or when hiccups rock his whole little body, his peeling skin, or his crossed eyes. It turns out it's all normal. Actually, you muse at how worrying started pre-conception and sustained throughout the pregnancy. So quit worrying, check!

(5) We haven't used his name around home very much. He's still pretty much "the baby" and "he" and "him". I thought we'd be all over it with every breath. But it should be known that his nickname is "Mozy".

(6) Swaddling does wonders, if done right. Our first few attempts we terrible, but we got better. It's almost a contradiction: I thought freedom (of arms and legs) meant peace, but it seems restriction is what calms babies down. It's the same theory with boundaries and happiness.

(7) Friends and family have been so gracious to bring us lots of food or come prepare meals at our house. We have not needed to go grocery shopping this month yet. I wasn't expecting much from this idea, but have been pleasantly surprised at the generosity.

(8) My paternal leave is 3 weeks long (except for a few days last week). Her maternity leave is 10 weeks long. No idea how it will look when we both return to work. But we got time to figure things out.

(9) Our plan to be by our lonesome selves for the first 3 weeks did not pan out. Just a couple of days after we returned home, we were open for family and close friends to come see Mozy. For those traveling out of town, we have a plan: choose 2-4 days out of a given week in September or later when you want to visit. We prefer you arrive at Colorado Springs airport (COS), but we can also pick you up from Denver International (DIA). We have a guest room, so you can stay with us.

The Moses Birth Story

An induction had been scheduled for 7 A.M. Saturday August 2nd, but early the day before (Friday), spontaneous labor started. The membranes had ruptured (water had broken), so we headed to the birth center only 9 minutes away, and were subsequently assigned a labor and delivery room by 7:30 A.M. that morning. Twelve hours later, our son Moses would be born. He was 9 days overdue, weighed 7lbs 14oz (3.5kg), and measured 20.5in (52cm) long.

Labor and delivery proceeded as best as we could have hoped for, without any pain medication. While the hospital requires a hydration IV, mom also needed antibiotics for Group B Strep (GBS), which she had tested positive for previously. There was talk about hooking up Pitocin (Oxytocin) when labor had seemed slow earlier, but it was never done because labor picked up and was progressing nicely on its own when a decision needed to be made. An epidural wasn't even discussed although we had asked to be notified at the last opportunity when it could be administered. Otherwise, the positions and breathing techniques we learned in baby classes were all that came handy, with the support of my sister Leanna and our friend Lydia. We couldn't have done it without them.

Because of the Group B Strep, the hospital requires a 48-hour stay for observation. We ended up staying 3 nights total because Moses showed a couple of concerns:

(1) respiratory insufficiency, for which he was put on oxygen. The nurses thought he was breathing faster than normal and did an oxygen saturation test from which they found out he was in the 70's range (normal is 90% or higher). The doctors blame the altitude and thin air here, and say it is almost always expected to give oxygen for summer babies born in Colorado, even for a few days.

(2) nutritional support, for which he received banked breast milk and a glucose IV when blood sugar levels did not improve. He was consistently borderline in the 30-40 mg/dL range (normal being 46 mg/dL+). We would need to supplement for a few days until mom started flowing. We didn't know that for a lot of women, milk production doesn't start 3-7 days after they give birth. For women that have had PCOS, it can take even longer to start flowing. Moses' blood sugar tests were getting worse because he wasn't getting anything from his feedings.

Because of these concerns, Moses was transferred to the NICU for 24 hours (Saturday overnight). After a car seat tolerance test early Monday morning, we were discharged later that afternoon. A home care company came and setup an oxygen unit at home, and we've since settled into a routine around Moses' sleep, feedings, and diaper changes. At his first pediatrician visit yesterday, he weighed in at 8lbs (3.6kg) already, so he's doing very well. He's still quite an easy baby, only screaming bloody murder during diaper changes.

We have plenty of time to get used to these changes. Mom's maternity leave ends early October, while my paternal leave will be almost 3 weeks long (minus 2-3 days to help out with a data center move at work). We have also been blessed with friends and family bringing us food and checking on our well-being. We don't have to do groceries for another week. We are looking forward to welcoming those who will travel from far and wide to come welcome Moses. Our guest room is ready.

Here I introduce Moses Baluku Miremba. All Ugandan, all Italian, and all American. We are smitten and can't wait to see what future God has for Him. Our job was to bring him on this earth and set him on a course, and guide him on his life journey wherever that will lead.

The Waiting Is Always Harder

It's not much of a game actually, waiting for a baby that is now a couple of days overdue (by our estimate). On average, first-time mothers give birth about 5 days later than the due date for normal pregnancies, so we are not feeling hasty yet. Besides, the doctor's estimated due date had always been today (Jul-25), so as far as she's concerned, we are still "term". Maybe she was right-er than our FAM calculation, as good as estimates go.

We are still intent on letting labor start naturally, but if it doesn't, the plan is to induce late next week. Meanwhile, at least the non-stress test (NST) will be done, possibly along with an amniotic fluid index (AFI), or simply a full biophysical profile (BPP). This is all standard procedure for overdue babies. At the last doctors visit 3 days ago, everything looked great. Technically, there is no additional benefit for the baby after 40 weeks (he won't be any more ready to be born), but there is a benefit to avoiding medications to get things going (Lamaze). So we'll just wait a little while longer.

Waiting is not as easy as we imagined, of course. I now understand why some people opt for scheduled induction or c-section as soon as the due date passes. It's about managing expectations and anxiety. Delays like this are also a reminder that a lot will not happen according to plan, that we should be ready to improvise without notice. But ready we are! The hospital bag now lives in the car, and our support people have our birth plan (already in danger of irrelevance). Anytime now.

The Baby Books We Shall Read

New parents have no idea what they are getting into, no matter how much they have seen or heard about it from others. Advice is abounding from every corner, but the truth is that you don't know what kind of parent you will become until you are one. Others' parenting styles might not work for you, but that's an opportunity: you get to come up with your own thing.

We know we want to be informed parents, among other thing, so we selected a few books to introduce us to the topic and get us started on the same page. Interestingly, I find that the more I read, the more it looks likely that we will end up improvising a whole lot. It seems that book knowledge plays a lesser role than experience (what really works in the end) and instinct. A friend recently told me: you'll know what to do when you have to do it. But I'd like those actions to be smart.

Since we won't remember all the advice we have received at this point, we decided to at least read up and bookmark what we think might be helpful.

We think our parenting will start with the ideas in "Babywise" (Bucknam), especially those about sleep and feeding schedules, if they will work for us. The other books are mostly supplemental and for reference, sources of other ideas we might find useful down the road. We are quite determined to not be "bookish" parents who follow book recipes to the tee, but more organic and with a high level of freedom in style. (I obviously don't know what that means!).

The Nursery Is Ready Too

For 2 days late June, we committed to setting up the nursery. For parents that do not want to co-sleep, the idea is that this baby will sleep in his own room at night from about 8 weeks old. Before that, he'll be in a bassinet right next to mom, and during the day, in a pack-n-play on the main floor. This nursery is more for those nights he will noisily resist sleeping.

Thanks for the Baby Gifts

Our thanks are long overdue, to everyone that sent or bought us stuff for the baby. There were two baby showers, some of you visited our baby registries, and a few personally delivered the gifts to us. A few brave ones made stuff for us! We appreciate it all, and we are grateful for friends and family like you. THANK YOU!

In addition to what we got, we went out one day in June and bought a whole bunch more stuff. In fact, $900 worth of stuff. Stuff we think we will need. Had we not received the baby gifts you all gave, we'd have spent about $1,750 to get them all. We've heard that it is expensive to have a kid, but now we know how much the start-up costs are. Blah.

How Impending Job Loss Is A Blessing

In December 2013, we sat down to strategize how the next year would go. We knew it would be our biggest year yet, specifically with the arrival of our first child, and finally becoming homeowners. Because of those two events, we anticipated our living costs would rise, so we talked about increasing our income 15% in 2014. Calculations showed we would manage better with such a margin if it came down to my wife becoming a stay-at-home mom. We could still get by on my current salary, but it'd be harder going forward. We had a few options at our disposal: (1) trim our budget so we live on less, (2) I get a second job that brings in the extra 15%, or (3) we somehow get raises or promotions that make up the 15%. We decided we would pursue all three options in the new year and see where we end up.

Enter 2014. We curb our appetites and the budget loses weight. Success! I start looking for contracts under my small business STRIVE. Promising! At our annual employee performance reviews, we inquire about raises and promotions, or lateral movement within our respective companies. Bleak! The first two options are viable, but the third is a no-go. We buy a house with 20% downpayment, leaving us with the lowest reserves we've seen in our entire marriage. Super! Then in April, we learn that my current job would be ending, the consequence of our company's acquisition and absorption into another. Bummer! Initially, it looks like the rest of the year will suck, but we chose to trust God still for our well-being and livelihood.

During that week, we literally "cast our burdens" unto God and reflected on how faithful He had been in our life thus far. We were reminded that when we yearned for a mate, we found each other although it wasn't how we had thought we'd meet our spouse. We wanted an easy marriage, and we have it. We wanted a child, and he'll be here in 3 weeks. We wanted a house, and we found it in 5 weeks. It even closed in much less time than short-sales usually do. We pray for good health and have generally lived it. Whatever we have needed, He has been faithful to provide, in His own time, in His own way.

Even in the impending job loss, we still see God's hand at work:
(1) The job does not end immediately -- I have until March 31, 2015. Most other layoffs have been immediate.
(2) It means we would still have our health coverage, which we think is important to have for at least the baby's first few months. We'll have 7 months.
(3) At the end of the job, I'll receive a severance package equivalent to 16 weeks of my current pay. That's 4 months income while I look for another job. I sense that we'll need me home these four months with the baby, depending on how childcare works out.
(4) It would have been impossible to get a 15% raise soon enough in this job, even through promotion. I would have had to work a lot more hours chasing the unattainable goal at the expense of time spent with family.
(5) Until the job ends, I have ample time to find a good job that can meet our original goal, without pressure to find something quickly or settle for the first thing that comes down the pipe.
(6) I can use the time until then to spruce up my resume, update my skills and even attain new ones that would make me more marketable. I've perused the job postings and feel confident that I will find work relatively easily when I start applying. It's also given me a chance to learn what skills are in demand today so I can prepare accordingly.
(7) The company has changed so much since the acquisition that some perks we were counting on after the baby arrives will no longer be there. The flexibility to work from home is gone (they prefer everyone to be in the office), among other things. Eventually, I would have hated working here.

For many people, losing a job is the worst blow to their lives. But we are blessed that we are in the best possible financial and emotional position to handle this impending job loss, so our pity party lasted only a week. Our emergency plans allow for a worst-case scenario of 6 months basic living if we both lost our jobs. Besides that, the severance package and unemployment benefits would cover us for up to 2 years. That in itself is a blessing, to have such safety nets in place.

We nonetheless do not anticipate that I will be unemployed for long, if at all. I'll officially start looking for another job in February 2015, although if a great opportunity presents before then, I'll seriously consider it. We trust that God will still be providing our daily needs no matter what happens, and are eagerly anticipating how the rest of the year will unfold.

Mobility Upgrades With 37 Days To Go

Preparations for the baby are now in high gear, with only 37 days remaining until his birth. As the anticipation builds, we finally start unboxing things and setting up the home proper for a baby.

We are told we will not be allowed to leave the hospital without a car seat and one that is properly installed in the vehicle. So our first order of business has been to install car seat bases in both our vehicles, test out the car seat transfers from home to car and back, and get used to the different harnesses and latches in this equipment. I believe I have not read equipment manuals as much as I did for this task.

While we were at it, we also assembled the jogging stroller, which can fit either of our car seats in rear-facing position. This coming week, we'll test the stroller (fully loaded) outdoors when we do our walks. But from now on, each of our vehicles will have a car seat, with practice taking it out when we go to work and bringing it in when we return home.

On left, Subaru installation of a BabyTrends Fixed car seat. Subarus don't do middle rear-seat installations, so the passenger-side rear seat will do. This car seat comes LATCH-ready though I wish there was another anchor on the front of the seat to control vertal bounce. The Nissan allows a middle rear-seat installation (statistically the safest spot in the car), and the Safety 1st car seat can only do belt installation. Perfect match. On right, our very fancy Expedition ELX jogging stroller. Luckily, it can fit either of our car seats.

In hindsight, we should have attended the safety class first, then inspected our vehicles before acquiring the car seats; we did it in reverse order instead. Car safety classes can seem pointless but they are good for laying out what you should consider in your particular situation. Then you must follow them with vehicle manuals and YouTube videos from the car seat manufacturer to get fully immersed.

Tricks In Sickness

About once every year or two, I get a serious cold. Each cold is different from the previous one such that whatever I did to remedy the others does not work this time. It's as if I need a new trick every time I get sick. The persistent question in my mind is why the latest medical advances haven't found a cure for one of the oldest ailments known to man -- the common cold [see "Why is there no cure for the common cold?"]. This time though, a simple regiment helped me get over it in four days: 2x DayTime and 2x NiteTime, some lotion to rub on nose, plenty of rest, and VapoRub before heading to bed. I didn't have a cough or headache as in previous sicknesses. This is by far my best trick, the fastest the Rhinovirus A, B, or C (whatever this one was) has ever been defeated in my colds.

But the common cold is pocket change compared to what else I'm contending with. It is my Achilles' Heel, if you may, this annoyance that won't go away. There is a time I used to wonder why people couldn't just quit their addictions or stop  eating poorly to lose weight, why diets didn't work despite all the right actions, or why people seemed weak-willed in certain circumstances. That is, until my Achilles' Heel caught up with me. There are just some things you can't simply overcome on your own, no matter how hard you try.

At my March appointment this year, the dentist delivered some discouraging news to me: periodontal disease for life! It is still mild and can probably be stopped if aggressively treated, but will likely be a recurring problem. What I really heard her say: "did you never learn to floss and brush your teeth all these years?". The usual cleanings would no longer work; I needed continuous gum therapy, some of which would not be covered by my insurance. Of course I protested: I sought a second opinion and did my own research, but this wasn't a case of a dental office trying to sell me extra services I didn't needed. The truth was painfully here.

So I gave in. Each day involves two flossings, two brushings, and two swirls with nasty-tasting medical mouthwash. Every three months, I must visit the dentist to check my gum health (all that gum poking) and whether I have any further bone loss (via comparative x-rays). Wherever there is still some decay, direct injection of medication is done. Each of these visits can cost up to $500 out of pocket (in addition to whatever is billed to insurance). I don't even know what hurts most: the cost, the gums, or the lack of a permanent cure? Out of frustration, I thought about just getting dentures if it meant not having to visit doctors again (and curtailing the disease).

My wife wouldn't have any of that. It would be weird, a thrity-something with dentures because he hates dealing with doctors. Besides, it's only mild and manageable, with a good 15% recovery rate (mostly depending on how young you are). I can't chew hard stuff, but blending everything would be a worse option. So I'll keep the teeth, and take much better care of them. I'm wishing for a trick to make this go go away. Coconut oil maybe?

Pregnancy Readership

I've met two kinds of expectant parents: those who live the pregnancy with more information than even the doctors, and those who get by with at least recognizing when things go wrong. The former research every little event they observe and may even know the biology and chemistry behind it all. The latter just know that cramping is not good and that drinking alcohol is bad. I read a study once that suggested the happiest pregnancies are more on the uninformed side, mostly because they don't know about everything that could go wrong or what should be happening, which can be overwhelming and discouraging. In other words, how much should you endeavor to know about your pregnancy without losing the joyful experience that it is?

We are middle-of-the-road: know enough about what's happening so you know what to expect, can comfortably explain what is happening to you, and won't be alarmed about normal pregnancy events. Since I am the researcher in our home, I took on the responsibility of being in the know, not only because it is my personality, but also because I wanted this to be one of the ways I remain actively involved in the pregnancy.

So every Thursday morning during breakfast, we have been reviewing baby progress: we talk about the baby's development, and what should be happening to the mother. We review any upcoming procedures and appointments or areas of concern. We give ourselves some tasks and educate ourselves about various pregnancy topics (since this is our first). But mostly, we sync up on how our lives are changing, and what we should be doing to ensure a successful pregnancy.

I have read the usual lot of books (as shown in the image), but I settled for weekly newsletters that deliver just the nugget of progress we need to focus on that week. The websites send additional advertisement and special articles from time to time, so beware of an increase in emails when you sign up. Also, each author may have a different understanding of, say, "30 weeks": do they mean you have finished 30 weeks, or that you are in your 30th week? Are they counting gestational or developmental weeks (which is off by 2 weeks)? Some use weeks that end on the day of the week when your due date is (like our weeks end on Wednesdays), others use the weekend. Some begin sending the weekly progress newsletter in the middle of your week, others wait until you have finished the week. There are a lot of pregnancy tracking websites, but they provide almost the same information. My list below has a few that have relatively in-depth articles, and a few that I use to confirm what other websites are saying.

Baby Center (http://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy).
What To Expect (http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/landing-page.aspx).
American Pregnancy (http://americanpregnancy.org/week-by-week).
Pregnancy Corner (http://www.pregnancycorner.com/being-pregnant/pregnancy-week-by-week.html).
Parenting (http://www.parenting.com/pregnancy/week-by-week).
The Bump (http://pregnant.thebump.com/pregnancy-week-by-week.aspx).
Baby Zone (http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy-week-by-week/).
Pregnancy Symptoms Week By Week (http://www.pregnancysymptomsweekbyweek.org/).
BabyGaga (http://www.babygaga.com/calendar/pregnancy).
Countdown My Pregnancy (http://www.countdownmypregnancy.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-week-by-week.php).
Everyday Family (http://www.everydayfamily.com/pregnancy-calendar/).
Parents Connect (http://3dpregnancy.parentsconnect.com/calendar/1-week-pregnant/).
Lamaze International (http://www.lamaze.org/YourPregnancyWeekByWeek).
Netmums (http://www.netmums.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-week-by-week-guide).

I also like this one that's delivered everyday:
* Family Education (http://pregnancy.familyeducation.com/).

A Farewell to an Apartment

We loved you at first sight, that Saturday when we randomly bumped into you on our way from checking out your peers. We don't even believe in "love at first sight". But we thought you'd be a good catch. And you were. 1,020 days (or 2 years, 9 months, and 15 days) later though, we must bid you farewell. That's about 92% of our entire married life. "If walls could talk ...", right? No! You were our first real home though, a manifestation of "leaving father and mother ..." unto our own devices. We had never known 950 square feet could be so cozy and befitting.

We loved how quickly problems were taken care of. The water heater ignition should probably be replaced soon. 6 visits in winter is a hint. We loved how convenient it is to have a washer and dryer right in the apartment. 2 visits per week to a laundromat would probably have worn us out and forced me to buy more clothes, against my minimalist wishes. Or wear the same outfit 4 days in a row.

Like our neighbors across the street, we felt "uppity" living in a gated community (with remote open and automatic gates), although the side entrances jammed some of the times. Then you'd have to walk all the way around to enter the compound. The hot-tub and swimming pool were great, although we never used them much. Even until our last day, we were still promising ourselves to hit them up at least once a week, to make our money count. I mean, every resident pays roughly $85 per month in apartment utilities, part of which goes to keep the hot-tub at 104 degrees and swimming pool at 72 degrees all year round.

That little gym is a joke. How about get residents discounted memberships at nearby gyms? I mean, complementary memberships. Then those 3 flight of stairs would not be our only mandatory daily exercise. You pushed us into the world of home DVD fitness programs that we perhaps would not have adopted.
Additionally, we thought it was ridiculous to charge each resident $3/month for clean energy development on wind farms in Oklahoma, whose electricity we never used. Then over time, rent increase 26% to $1,200/month, our last straw. We think we loved you until it seemed like you were gold-digging. Comparatively, our new place is 3 times the size for $1,088/month. Hallelujah to that! Financial savvy says that's a good decision.

Speaking of financial decisions, you were the first big decision we ever made as a married couple: $930/month on rent was a big deal back then. You taught us what a "big financial decision" meant. The nice bed. The dining set. The living room amenities. The home office. Since each big transaction averaged around $700, we learned to call anything in that range an "investment" and prove to ourselves that we could save up for anything we needed. We had a list of savings goals on our fridge, including a plan to vacate you with 20% down-payment on the new digs. We became wise with money. The numbers show that we handled an aggregate $230,000 in business and personal transactions while in your keep. Unfortunately, we didn't get to keep most of it. Pauvre, as the French would say.

You saw 13 sets of friends and family hosted for dinner. We must re-establish the picture wall when we settle in the new place. The smoke detectors didn't always agree, but the cooking experiments were memorable and enjoyable. African. Russian. Brazilian. Spanish. Indian. You were so close to work (6 minutes by car, 21 minutes on foot) that we thought we might not absolutely need that second car. The success of that experiment encouraged us to try a few more.

We never really got to know our neighbors. In our quadrant, we had stayed the longest actually. And the meagre parking if we didn't pay extra for carports ($40/month) and garages ($70/month)? Hated having to park 2 buildings away from the one we live in. Until we gave in and got a shaded carport.

We won't miss the biennial moth visits that somehow found crevasses in our vinyl windows and got in. The Mrs. would man a bug hunt and swat every one of them. I personally didn't mind them.
Or the 3 generations of birds that hatched from the same nest right by our door. I saw nature at work, when the mother tossed out one chick because of overcrowding in the nest. The Mrs. tried to help it back into the nest, but with human scent and all, the rejection meant its demise.
Or the rumble of wind against our corner top-floor suite, literally shaking it up. Those nights we could not sleep, even with distraction background music.
Or the city noise that is living along a busy street humming with traffic well into the night. Especially when there is road work. Or the loud water-cooler right by our bedroom. It literally sounds like a flushing toilet. Wakes me up every time.
Or the four noise complaints we had received from our sometime neighbors. Because of electric drums. I really didn't care anymore after the second.

We eventually outgrew this pond. Today is our last day here. Boxes are packed, the movers have confirmed.

Baby List First 2 Months

Even before the baby registries were established, we had been wondering: "what must we have on hand at birth and for the first 8 weeks after our son is born?" We really do not know how much this baby's arrival will overturn our lives, but to cope, we make plans in spite of the uncertainty. It is more prudent to be somewhat prepared for an event such as this than resign yourself to improvisation when the time comes.

So we decided to make a list of "must-haves" that should see us through at least the first 8 weeks. We would start saving for those needs, as well as watch out for deals and sales online, in stores, or around town. Come the first week of July, we will go on a shopping spree to ensure that we have everything we deem necessary that we do not have on hand.

To compile the list, I initially did some internet research but ultimately decided to ask recent and new parents, to benefit from their experience. Then we looked up the prices on the internet to help with an estimate for our budget. The necessities are highlighted:

FEEDING
Nursing pillows (1)	$20 ea.
Bibs (4)	$15 (10pk)
Burp cloths (8)	$8 (4pk)
Breast pump	$250 ea.
Bottles and nipples	$20 (6pk)
Bottle brush	$5
Bottle warmer	$25
Sterilizer	$55
Milk storage system	$15 (100ct bags)
DIAPERING
Changing table and pad	$150
Regular diapers (16/day)	$40 (250ct. box)
Newborn diapers (2 bx)	$35 (150ct. box)
Diaper wipes (2 bx, 7th gen)	$12 (500ct box)
Diaper cream/jelly (organic coconut oil, Aquaphor lotion)	$12
Diaper disposal system (genie) and bags	$75
Diaper bag	$35
Diaper wipes warmer	$20
SLEEPING
In-bed sleeper	$45
Bassinet	$45
Crib	$200
Crib mattress with flex covering	$50
Bedding (3 sets of sheets, blanket)	$11 ea.
SIDS monitor	$80 attch.
Baby monitor system (audio/video)	$45+
Night lights (2)	$7 ea.
BATH TIME
Baby bath tub	$15
Hooded terrycloth towels (3)	$15 ea.
Baby wash kit (shampoo, sponges, etc)	$20
HEALTH
First aid kit (with acetamophine for fevers)	$20 av.
Bulb syringe (nasal aspirator)	$4 low.
Baby nail scissors and clippers	$7 pair.
Soft-bristled hair brush/comb	$7
Thermometer	$45
Humidifier	$40
Gas drops (Mother's Gripe)	$21
MOBILITY
Stroller (esp. jogging)	$150
Car seats/baby carriers (2)	$99 ea. +bs
Baby bjorn	$75
Baby backpack/carrier (hiking)	$99
Rockers and swings	$45 est.
SOOTHERS/ENTERTAINMENT
White noise machine	$25+
Bouncy ball or rocking chair	$12 / $90 dep.
Pacifiers (5)	$5 (2ct)
Pack-n-play	$75
Bouncy seat/jumper	$25 approx.
Infant toys
MOTHER
Nipple cream	$9 tube
Nursing bras	$20 ea.
Nursing pads	$8 (60ct)
Maxi pads and panty liners	$12 (20ct)
Hemorrhoid wipes and cream	$20 (48ct)
Ice packs	$15 (24ct)
Adult diapers	$15 (16ct)
Iron-rich diet/snacks
CLOTHING
Swaddling blankets (3)	$20 (3pk)
Receiving blankets (4)	$12 (4pk)
Sleepers (5)	$10 (2pk)
Scratch mittens (2)	$5 (3pk)
Onesies (6)	$15 (5pk)
Side-snap/tie tshirts (until umbilical cord falls off)	$11
Socks (6)	$10 (6pk)
Knit sweater and cap (2)	$20 ea.
Newborn hats (2)	$8 (5pk)
Stretchy pants (2)	$8 approx.
Hooded jackets (2)	$15 gen.
Special dress-up outfits (3)	$15 set
Car seat blanket (2)	$15

A good estimate for the necessities is about $2,000 if you are starting from scratch (have never had kids) and buying all new stuff. Most of the stuff can be reused for subsequent kids. Fortunately, there is an active community of parents exchanging or selling stuff for cheap, so you need not buy everything brand new. Friends and family often give away stuff they no longer need. In other words, your first baby expenses ought not break the bank.

Obviously the list above is not the complete compilation of what was suggested to us, nor is it our final list; we keep hearing of additional things that sound like they might be useful. Lists like this vary considerably depending on lifestyle and extravagance. I only listed what we (naively) think we might need. There are also things you cannot reasonably estimate at this time, such as baby formula (since we do not know whether we'll need it), and clothes. For these and few others, you just adaptive capacity. So the advice is to have additional reserve for the unexpected.

Baby Registries

In answer to: "when should we start buying baby stuff?", another question inevitably came up: "what should we buy?". We know most people start the baby purchases spree in the third trimester of pregnancy, so we decided June would be good for that and setting up the nursery. The first week of July is for ensuring any other necessities we won't already have, 2-3 weeks before this baby shows up.

Enter the fine American tradition of baby registries. For first-time parents, a steep increase in expenses is expected especially during the first few months. While we ideally should be prepared for these costs (savings?), we are not too proud to accept support from friends and family, also as a way for them to participate in welcoming this baby.

So we set up a couple of registries for our little boy. They all largely have the same stuff (cross-listed); you don't need to visit each one to see the whole list. The registries should allow you to ship whatever you buy directly to us, if you can't physically deliver it. We tried to not go berserk with the stuff we put there, but of course we wished out loud. Listed in order of preference:

BED BATH & BEYOND
http://is.gd/yLI1PQ (registry #10866968)

TARGET
http://www.target.com/baby/registry/jCH_SdFQOQrPx1_EaBIK4g

BABIES R US
http://is.gd/uKmMEl (registry #52399386)

The House We Got

In our second week house-hunting, we visited this home on the east side of town and loved it. But because it was out of our price range, we initially passed on it. Besides, another couple that was touring the home when we arrived for our tour made an offer that very day, so there is no way we would get it. Two weeks later though, the house was back on the market because that couple had backed out of their contract. So we moved to acquire the house right away.

MORE PICTURES AS POPUP SLIDESHOW

We put an offer on the house, upping the ante to prevent it from going into foreclosure. It took a couple of weeks for the seller's bank to approve our short-sale offer, and as soon as they did, we scheduled an inspection (and radon test), which didn't turn up anything of immediate concern. Even if there were, the seller would not have been able to fix them up because this is a short-sale. Our bank has completed an appraisal at par with the listing price., and underwriting is underway. We expect to close on April 11 and move in the following (Easter) week.

So how did we do given our long list of requirements? The requirements we didn't quite satisfy are highlighted in red below:

BUDGET
List price	$180,000 - $230,000	$240,000
Short-sale, foreclosure, or flip house?	Would rather not	Short-sale
Monthly PITI	< $1,200/mo	$1,062
Property taxes	< $1,300/yr	$1,075
Sale history	Stable or increasing	Stable
NEIGHBORHOOD
School districts	D11, D20, D49	D49
Elem/high school ratings	7+	8
Homeowner association	None preferred	None
Community	Planned, parks/services	Ok
Character	Suburb, family-friendly, quiet, clean	Yes
Roads/streets	City/paved, maintained	Ok
Safety	Street lights, open view	Ok
Traffic/access	Lights, alt. routes	Ok
Crime	Low or none	Very low
Morning/evening walk/observe	Walkable, bustling	Ok
Night perspective	Quiet, safe	Ok
Other homes maintained	Well	Good
Who is around neighborhood? Kids?		Young families
Neighborhood home comparisons	In same price range	Mid-range
City zoning	Not flood zone, residential	Urb. res.
Talk to neighbors		Not yet
Any future regulation/zoning/development changes?		None planned
PROXIMITY
Emergency services	Within 5 mi.	2 hospitals, 2 firestations
Shopping center/restaurants	Close enough	Powers
How far from workplaces?	< 20 min.	25 min.
HOUSE BASICS
Year built	2002+	2004
Whether new construction?	Would love newer	Preowned
Type	Single-family/detached	SF/d
External wall material		Masonite, stone
Curb appeal	Must have it ...	Great
Orientation	Faces west/south	Yes
Floor plan	2-story/ranch, open, not split-level	2-story
Total space	2000+ sq.ft	2,777 sqft
Completed space	1500+ sq.ft	1,890 sqft
Bedrooms	4+	4
Bathrooms	3+	2.5
Kitchen	Big, with pantry	Great
Dining room	> 12x10 sq.ft, tile/carpet	Tile
Living room	> 13x15 sq.ft, wood/carpet	Wood
Garage	2-car, attached, auto/remote	Ok
Additional parking	3+ cars, street	3/street
Windows	Vinyl, thermo. Low sills	Vinyl
Roof	Comp. shingle, <10yrs	Comp. shingle
Basement	Yes, insulated	800 sqft unfinished with walkout
Office	Available office or possibility	Possible
Energy efficiency (heating)	85+	Good
Outside wall	8" insulation	6.5"
Other rooms in house?		None
Heating/furnace (age?)	Modern forced air/2008+	2004, with house
What else is possible with the house?		Dog shed outside, basement bd+bath
Immediate repairs in next 9 months?	None!	Sump pump, HVAC cleaning
UPGRADES/DISCOUNTS
Any upgrades/cost?		None/SSA
Any discounts/promotionals?		Seller $6200 concession
SERVICES
Electricity	Municipal	CSU
Water	Municipal, not well	CSU
Natural gas	Municipal	CSU
Sewage	Central, not cistern	Central
Trash service	HOA or local	Unknown
Cell phone coverage	3G/4G signal	Good
Internet service	Comcast or better	Comcast
Home security	ADT or equiv.	Unknown
Average utility costs (elec+gas+sewer+water+trash)		$300/mo. est.
PROPERTY/LOT
Lot size	Roomy	5,628 sqft
Landscaping	Complete, sprinkler	Complete
Fence	Installed as required	Installed
Drainage	Away from house	Slope
Backyard	For outside dog + dogshed	Ample
BEDROOMS
Flooring	Carpet	Ok
Utilities	2+ electrical, 1 cable	Ok
Location	All on same level (upper/main)	Upper level
Master bedroom	Own bathroom, walk-in closet	Ok
Nursery	Immediately close to master bedroom	Yes
Access	Locable doors, openable windows.	Yes
Size	> 13x15 sq.ft, master bigger	Ok
Rooms over garage	Prefer not = noise/fumes	1/nursery
Ceiling fans	Installed	Yes
BATHROOMS
Flooring	Tile/composite	Yes
Amenities	Mirror, lockable door	Yes
Storage	Cabinets, linen closet	Cabinets, basement
Counter space	Generous	Yes
LAUNDRY
Flooring	Tile/composite	Tile
Washer/dryer	Installed/hookups	Hookups, elec.
Location	Same level as bedrooms	Main level
KITCHEN
Flooring	Tile/composite	Yes
Plan	Country sit-in, island	Yes
Cabinet space	Ample top/bottom	Ample
Counter tops	Granite	Granite
Appliance quality	Stainless steel	GE, plain
Refrigerator	Dislike vertical split	Vert. split
Sinks	2+, garbage disposer	Yes
Microwave oven	Installed	Yes
Dishwasher	Installed	Yes
Stoves/oven	Not coils, gas better?	Range
Pantry	Reasonable	Yes
GARAGE
Access	Clear, not steep/obscured entry	Yes
Completed walls	Siding/frame, insulation	House sheet
House door	Lockable	No deadlock
WOULD BE REALLY NICE
Vaulted ceilings		No
Fireplace		Yes, gas
Porch/balcony		Deck, upper level
Hot tub/jacuzzi		No
Lots of storage (basement?)		Yes, unfinished
Air conditioning		Yes
Humidifier installed		No
Floor-level ventilation		Yes
SELLER/DISCLOSURES
Review seller inspection report		Yes
Review seller disclosure document		Yes
Previous resident (owner, renter, vacant?)		Owner
Any federally-required disclosures?		Not req. in CO
Drug activity on property?	No	No
Smokers or pets previous residents?	No smoking	Cats
Homicides/suicides or natural deaths in last 5 years?	No	None
Property/legal disputes?	No	None
Our impressions of seller	Honest, truthful, cooperative	Did not meet
Realtor's opinion of seller		Did not meet
ZONING RULES
Allow home office/business?	Yes	Yes
Allow pets, sheds in backyard?	Yes	Yes
Allow external remodeling, landscaping	Yes	Yes
Allow visitors/RV/boat parking/streets	Yes	Yes
TOUR NOTES
Notes from touring the house		Good neighborhood, but on far east end of town.

Eats: Old Stone Church Restaurant

For this month's date night, we decided to try out this nice little mid-range eatery and bar in Castle Rock. The 30-minute drive there was worth our while; I'd say it is a great date night destination.

Reservations	SeatMe
When we visited	Friday evening (03/21/2014)
Party size	Just the two of us
Wait time to be seated	None
Ambiance/feel	Great lighting, lively, festive, warm.
Appetizers we had	Flat bread with chimi churi sauce, zesty wings.
Their drink menu	Good selection of wines, mixes, and beer. Generous "glass of wine" serving, can sample wines before ordering.
Their entrée menu	Limited (one-page) but good options. Had Colorado rib-eye steak and pan-seared duck. Both good. See their menus here.
Desserts	Small selection. The tiramisu was great!
Prices	Expensive. Full course dinner for two plus tip totalled $90.
Noise levels	Quite loud, very easy to overhear other patrons' conversations. Background music loud.
Service	Good, friendly.
Wait time for food	10 - 15 minutes.
Our rating (out of 5)	4
Their website	http://www.oscrestaurant.com/
Reviews	84% at urbanspoon.com 4/5 at yelp.com 81% at tripadvisor.com 4.3/5 in Google reviews

Le Bébé, C'est Un Garçon

At the mid-pregnancy anomaly ultrasound scan, we had the option of finding out what gender our baby is. Instead, we decided to have the midwife call someone that would make us the delicious "gender cake" seen here.

In lieu of a full-blown gender-reveal party, we did the revelation with our Bible study small group. Blue cake means it is a boy! We have thought it might be so all along (from how easy it was to agree on boy names), until I switched votes over the last couple of weeks. I suppose you really cannot trust dreams; two about a baby girl using some names on our shortlist was enough to convince me. Either way, we are very excited to finally start using "him", "he", or "son" in reference to the baby.

His mother is in her 23rd week at this point and doing well. True to form, the 2nd trimester has been calm. In 125 days, we look forward to welcoming this little boy home. For my Ugandan family, I hereby present a Baluku (which will become his middle name). I know this was the expectation, par tradition.

We do not have any first/given name for him yet, but we have a shortlist of 6 boy names from which we will choose just before birth.

House and Loan Match-Ups

In the course of searching for a home, you will begin to compare and match the different house and loan options at your disposal. We considered about 11 houses and 5 loan offers, and needed to find the best financial match (numbers only). It can be mind-boggling to keep mental note of everything, but that's what computers are for. So I added a feature in our financial app to do the match ups and analysis.

Below is an example of one such analysis. You can review how much money you must have on hand to close on a particular house with a certain lender. Don't forget to account for earnest money, inspection fees, and appraisal fees, which are paid before closing. The lender's GFE might not include these fees. After closing, consider any penalties for breaking your current contracts, moving costs, and stuff you must buy for the new home during first few months, in addition to your usual monthly expenses.

For the houses we considered high possibilities and loans we found reasonable, we entered that data in the application. We could then pair up any house and loan to see what the numbers came to, given a certain down payment. Most importantly, we wanted to know how much money we'll have spent by the end of the first month in the house, and ensure that it would be available when we make an offer.

I did not have enough time to complete the feature, but I had intended to further implement active analysis, where the application would also consider our house requirements and our weighted observations from house tours to help us determine the best value. It would consider our funding sources and monthly budget (since we track them in the application) to give us a rough estimate of our financial picture over the first year. It would obviously exclude current rent and make informed adjustments to utilities and gasoline costs to produce an good estimate. I think it would have been a cool feature. Apparently a weekend is not enough for this kind of work.

What We Want In A Loan

I do not understand why a mortgage is considered a hallmark of the American dream. It is essentially debt, with your very house as collateral to the banks until it is paid off many years down the road. To measure economic progress by how many people have mortgages is foolish; rather, we should be counting those that fully own their homes, having paid off these mortgages!

As much as we hate debt, we decided this was "good debt" that would help us get into our own home, rather than continue to bleed thousands in an apartment situation. So after finding a realtor and starting the search for a home, we also began looking for a mortgage lender. Some rules we followed that made it an easy process:

(1) Ensure you have an excellent credit score. Ours range from 760 to 790 from all 3 credit agencies, mostly built through a credit card we pay off every month. This was good advice from a friend when we first got married, that we should start building credit at least 2 years before planning to purchase a home.

(2) Ensure a low debt ratio by minimizing other debts you have (or earning more income). We practically have no debt except the revolving credit card mentioned above.

(3) Educate yourself about how mortgages work, and choose the right one for your situation. We chose a 30-year fixed conventional loan. We'll be retiring empty-nesters when this loan is finally paid off, but we plan to try and pay it off in less than 20 years.

(4) Aggressively save for the down payment, if your loan requires it. We started saving about 2 years ago, intending to pay 15% or even 20% down. Some lenders offer different interest rates depending on what bracket of down payment you fall in (5/10/15/20%). Most lenders have a flat rate regardless of the down payment, but will instead have steeper PMI rates.

(5) Know how much your monthly expenses are, and what proportion is currently spent for housing/rent. We have the data of all our spending over the last 2 years, so it was easy to see what our reality is. We spend about $1200/month for rent in this apartment, which is our psychological upper limit for a mortgage payment.

(6) For the houses you are considering, have an idea what the property taxes were last year. The MLS listing usually provides this data, but you can also query the county assessors. The houses we've been interested in have ranged from $800 - $1300/year.

(7) For the houses you are considering, also know about how much annual home insurance you might expect to pay. A quick way to determine this is to multiple the house list price by 0.0051 (statistical estimation of data from 3 insurers on 5 properties).

(8) Find a reputable lender. Whoever you contact, make sure you ask for an estimate and pre-qualification, giving them your credit scores to use so that you don't divulge too much personal information upfront. You also don't want too many hits against your credit at this time. But know that whichever lender runs your credit must send you a statement showing the FICO scores they pulled and used to determine your terms. So let one run it and furnish it to other lenders.
Online and out-of-state lenders are just as good as banks and local brokerages since everyone eventually sells your mortgage to the government. Until a week ago, I was considering a lender from North Carolina that I found online but eventually decided to go with Ent Federal Credit Union, who actually finance their own loans.

(9) In terms of who offers better deals, the order is such: credit unions, direct lenders, mortgage brokerages, and finally banks. Ask around and read the reviews about any institution you feel interested in. It is true that there are scams and bait-and-switch situations out there, so be very discerning. It look me 2 weeks to decide on 5 good lenders.

(10) With the house list price, property taxes, homeowner insurance, and desired total monthly mortgage payment, you can crunch the numbers on how much loan you can afford. We started our search thinking we could afford a $250,000 home but through this exercise settled in the $230,000 or less range, with a 15% down payment.

(11) When you speak with a lender, you want to know their 0-point interest rate for each of the down payment brackets, and their mortgage insurance rates for each down payment bracket. With this, I initially judged a good loan as one that has the lowest payment (P+I).

(12) If you additionally consider closing fees (excluding all title fees, processing fees, and appraisal fees) and the lender's escrow requirements, the best loan may be one with the lowest out-of-pocket at closing cost. ENT has high closing/origination fees (around 1% of loan value) but offers some of the lowest 0-point interest rates. Direct lenders have no or little closing fees beyond the usual processing charges.

(13) Take advantage of rate buydown, where you pay a certain percentage of the loan value (called "discount points") to have the interest rate reduced. A low interest rate translates to low monthly payments, so if you can afford the upfront cost, you get a better deal in the long run. Besides, this pre-paid interest is tax-deductible. The law allows up to 5% of loan value in discount points, or the loan is considered "high-cost", which is governed by slightly different rules.

(14) Keep an eye on national interest rate trends. The rates change on Mondays and are the same the rest of the week. Some lenders can offer you a rate lock-down, but it might cost you: they will run your credit and do some underwriting. Even so, the lock lasts anywhere from 30 to 45 days, and depending on the rates when the lock expires, it may be extended.

I noticed a strange correlation between how high the Dow Jones opens on Monday and whether mortgage interest rates will change. If the markets open considerably higher, it is very likely that mortgage interest rates will go up that week. So I requested my rate lock last week after 2 consecutive big opens on Wall Street. No science to this practice, but I might have scored.

We locked in at the bought-down rate of 3.875% (1 discount point), which put our monthly total mortgage payment anywhere between $1000-$1100 (including principle, interest, mortgage insurance, property taxes, and homeowner insurance) for the few houses we are interested in. This is obviously less than our current apartment rent, so our overarching goal is achieved. As a matter of good faith, I requested a counter-offer from the other lenders I was considering, and none could beat it. So we rest this case.

What We Want In A Realtor

Or simply a Real Estate Agent (REA), since "Realtor" is trademarked and reserved for agents that are affiliated with the National Association of Realtors (NAR). Although you can probably conduct a house purchase yourself (especially if you work with a builder directly), the American standard is to employ the services of a REA when buying a home.

Finding a REA is no science; most people find agents through recommendations of friends and family. Perhaps the most important things to us about the agent were that they had appreciable experience helping in home purchases, and that we got along and could trust their word. Being first-time homeowners, we were green about how it all works and would need patient hand-holding and guidance. We started searching for a REA in January initially intending to engage 2-3 agents, each specializing in one of existing homes, new construction, or short sales. We would not sign exclusivity contracts until we were ready to make an offer on a property they showed us. When we interviewed the agents, we also let them know we'd fire them if we were not satisfied with their services, even if they were our friends.

Here is a set of expectations we used to evaluate which REA we would go with:

• Obviously do the usual agent duties professionally: arrange for us to tour properties, provider us with seller information, negotiate the sale, manage the paperwork involved in the purchase process, and guide us towards a smooth closing, etc.
• Be able to assess any houses we consider like a buyer would, but also help us understand what the seller might be thinking, and anticipate any problems that could arise with the property.
• Know the neighborhoods we are interested in well, including zoning codes, trends, regulations, and developments that may affect us if we lived there.
• Understand what kind of house we want and steer us away from ones we will not like, even if they initially match our criteria. But also be able to suggest homes we might like based on (but not limited to) our search criteria.
• Provide us access to additional MLS data beyond what Zillow.com and Trulia.com already show, and be able to consider suggestions we provide outside that scope. Provide us with comps (comparisons of similar homes in the neighborhood).
• Be available by phone or email when we need them, and provide prompt/clear answers when we have questions. Be prompt, meet deadlines, and follow through on promises made.
• Not a "dual agent" on properties we are interested in or that are suggested to us.
• Have a couple of recent references we could contact to hear about their experiences with the REA.
• Be licensed (see www.arello.com, for a license number and info), belong to active trade associations, and have additional certifications.
• Work full-time as a REA, and be able to work with us personally throughout the process instead of pushing us to assistants and junior agents. Not too busy to attend to us, although they likely are working with other clients simultaneously. In other words, able to make time for us such that we feel we are their only client.
• Been doing real estate work for at least 3 years and closed on at least 10 transactions in the past year. At that, we wanted to know how many transactions were with first-time home buyers.
• Experience selling or buying homes in our price range, and not steering us towards a different price range than we have already established. In fact, also don't push us towards certain neighborhoods and kinds of houses.
• Have a good process for purchase, closing, and followup that is easy to follow.
• Able to suggest tips for saving money during the purchase, such as getting the seller to pay your closing fees, or concessions that would help ease life in the home.
• Tell us the whole truth, be honest, personable, well-spoken, and considerate. And patient since we would be pains to deal with.

I considered 5 real estate agents and ultimately decided to work with Acquire Homes, Inc., which is operated by a friend of ours. Yes, the conventional wisdom is to avoid working with friends in such business transactions, but we felt the risk was too low in this case. In a span of 5 weeks, we only visited 11 homes and are hoping to own one of them soon.

The Insurance of Lives

Whether we like it or not, our lives have a 100% mortality rate. Many of us avoid talking about end of life matters as if it'll never happen, but I think it is wiser to settle that issue while life is still on the upswing. The topics of discussion are many, including estate wills and medical directives, but the simplest one is about life insurance.

A few years ago when we considered term life insurance, we decided it was not necessary at that time. If either of us were to kick the bucket, the other would be okay financially at salaries we earned at the time. We had saved up enough to cover reasonable medical (beyond health insurance) and funeral costs, and did not have any other long-term commitments that needed the assurance an insurance payout would bring.

Then everything changed, with expectations of a mortgage and a baby later this year. We felt it was time we carried life insurance as a safety net because those two long-term commitments would be difficult to handle alone should either of us not be around. We didn't want a huge policy; we figured a good policy should be just enough to pay off the mortgage and provide replacement income for up to 5 years. The raw number comes to about $375k (that is, $192k mortgage + 5x12x$3000 budget) per person. But that also means $50/month ($100/month total) for a 30-year policy, which we felt was too much.

Eventually we settled on a slightly smaller policy through Primerica that allowed us to pay $680/year for two 30-year policies (one on each other). It'd be sufficient to cover the remaining mortgage balance and at least 1-2 years of replacement income. Of course, as we build equity in our home through monthly mortgage payments, more money would be alloted to replacement income. We think it is a good plan for basic coverage.

The biblical imperative: "A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the simple pass on, and are punished." (Prov.27:12). It is the imperative to prepare for the future and leave an inheritance for your family (loosely Prov.6:6-8, 2Cor.12:14c, 1Tim.5:8), and life insurance is one small way you can do this. The loss of a loved one is hard enough, but it's worse with an additional financial burden.

Place and Kind Of Birth

Like all brand new parents, the first decision you make right after the happy news of a pregnancy is about how it will end. The question of where and how the baby will be born must be settled ahead of all other decisions, sometimes cutting into the honeymoon glow of the good news. In our case, we had a difference of opinion on both subjects, although ultimately it is what she wants that will matter.

The difference in opinion arises from our attitude towards the role of medicine and interventions. I am for a natural or alternative approach to health care, and believe in the power of the body to heal and preserve itself given the opportunity. So medicines are a desperate last resort when I'm not feeling well, delayed until I have tried natural remedies.
When it comes to pregnancy and childbirth then, I believe the woman's body is designed specially to handle that challenge gracefully, albeit with lots of pain. Apart from emergencies and other serious risks, a pregnancy and childbirth should not be treated as a medical case, as if it were some kind of illness or anomaly. Before Obamacare, insurance companies used this excuse (pre-existing condition) to deny coverage. I think the practice of considering pregnancy a "health risk" is squarely misguided.

So obviously I voted for a natural birth in a birth center somewhere. Labor could start at home, and the birth setting would be quiet and private. A hospital would be close, and an obstetrician on hand in case of emergencies. I know it sounds idealistic, especially that I'll never experience these things, but I think that's what's best.
On the other hand is the Mrs., whose perspective of childbirth borders on traumatic. The stories she's heard about its mishaps have left her convinced that she needs the attention of an obstetrician during pregnancy, and must be in a hospital during labor and childbirth, in case of emergencies. This is the American default; it's not bad, but it could be better.

Colorado Springs doesn't have an alternative/natural birth center, but the two major hospitals have maternity wards designed to function as birth centers. The atmosphere though is still cold and sterile, and less than private. At Memorial Hospital and Penrose-St.Francis, the wards occupy their own floor. When we toured them, we also learned that they have adopted some practices advocated by midwives and doulas, specifically to empower women to experience labor confidently. Gone are the nurseries to which babies were carted right after birth. Most importantly, mothers have a whole hour right after birth for skin-to-skin contact with the new baby, and most post-natal procedures (except circumcision) are performed right there in the delivery room. Penrose-St.Francis has labor facilities and recovery rooms if the mother needs a few more days around the hospital. Also of note is the increasing role of certified midwives as primary care providers for pregnant women, with the backing of an obstetrician who has privileges in these birthing centers. This situation settles our first difference of opinion (the "where" part).

The non-compromise on the how the birth should happen: labor naturally as long as possible, knowing pain relief medicines are available when needed; avoid unnecessary medical interventions. Whatever the case is, the ultimate goal is for her to enjoy the pregnancy and get the support and relief she will need during labor and childbirth. We will do whatever she thinks is needed at the time, for her maximum comfort.