The Year That Was 2012

Is it me, or did 2012 zip by way too fast? Here on its last day, we think back to what were the highlights of the year. First of all, we are utterly grateful to our God for having seen us through another year without any hiccups. Our union has grown stronger in spite of flares here and there, as is common in any marriage. Reflecting on the concluding year, the theme seems to have been "settle": we finally got a lot of things right or in place and grew comfortable in our roles as married people.

There were no major events in our lives this year, but a few of note:

• We both maintained our current employment. We continue to be thankful for the benefits and flexibility the jobs offer us, and that they finance our livelihood comfortably.
• SHE run a 5K marathon for the first time -- the Turkey Trot, with her friends.
• We started attending a married couples' Bible study every other week, where we fellowship over soup and wine. It is awesome to learn from others that have been married a little longer than us.
• HE acheived his 10-year employment milestone at his current job, and is eligible to take a 5-week sabattical anytime. Maybe some travel is in order.
• SHE continued to work with high school girls from church as a leader of a weekly Bible study group.
• We hosted numerous friends for dinner almost every month (the Meyers, the Weeks, the Danjumas, the Sears, the Clarks, the Sterns, our friends Kelly+Seth, a baby shower for the Summers, the Kitikats, the Baileys). I mentioned our hosting tradition in previous posts.
• We also hosted our second Christmas Brunch and Hangout on Christmas day. Basically, we prepare a hearty brunch for family and friends at our house and hang out later for games, movies, hikes, or hot-tubbing, among other things. It's a tradition we intend to maintain going forward.
• We've continued to do our cooking experiments. This year we did some Russian and Australian/New Zealand dishes, and quite a few African foods. I still need to learn to make kebabs properly to totally disconnect my dependence on that Ghanian lady that I buy African food from a lot.
• We went camping in Wyoming for a week with our friends the Schiefs and the Weeks. Aside from the unfortunate event while white-water rafting, it was good times being away for a little while.
• HIS cousin Venex visited from Uganda. After 14 years without seeing each other, it was good to catch up in person and get updated about the situation back in Uganda.
• Our newest niece Emma was born! We hosted her baby shower back in August.
• For three weeks, we did not need to buy juice: we had a lot of fresh-pressed apple cider from the Totems farm, where we had gone to help prepare it one weekend.
• We celebrated our anniverssary in Estes Park, Colorado. We intend to celebrate our anniversaries in a different state each year (or so we think for now).
• We worked out to the tune of "Insanity", "P90X", and other BeachBody.com DVDs. SHE has been more religious about exercise than HE.
• HE started working a big project (leafcompass.com) through his business, alongside completion of several other small projects. This year, it's become clear that his small business is viable and worth developing into a self-employment venture.
• HE officially became a drummer, able to play whole church services. He still plays bass guitar at their home church. She still has not picked up guitar.
• We officially dove into the world of financial investments, staking half of our emergency fund into municiple bonds. There is interest to do mutual funds and even riskier stocks.
• We ramped up our plans to complete our house in Uganda, currently ready for a painting and furnishing phase. We'll have two residences -- in the US and in Uganda as needed (where his family is).
• We visited our mentors the Hunters in Kentucky. We intend this to be an annual trek, if possible. They ooze wisdom and insight, and we appreciate that they can share their lives with us.
• We started our monthly date nights. Yes, we dress up and go have a fancy meal somewhere exotic. Highly recommended for all couples, to take a break once in a while and go enjoy yourselves. The idea of lunch dates every couple of weeks didn't quite catch on.
• SHE visited Las Vegas for a bridal shower, and then Washigton state for the wedding of her friends. Lots of travel this year.
• HER friends Shannette and Victoria visited us. Speaking of visitors, we need to find a better air mattress that can hold its own the whole weekend. We've returned air mattresses three times this year.
• The Waldo Canyon fire affected us too: we self-evacuated when most of our neighbors were given evacuation orders and the smoke was too thick around our apartment complex. We were out for 3 days, but we did not lose any property.
• Losses that affected us profoundly: one of his groomsmen lost his wife, and another lost their unborn child. This hit too close to home, the saddest moments of the year.

 We live very simple lives and are thankful for each day His mercies are renewed for us. With much vigor and expectation, we look forward to 2013.

Learning French, Pt.1

For December, one of my projects is to spruce up my French language skills. Languages are one of the few things for which "use it or lose it" is invariably true. I spoke French fluently more than 10 years ago, but it eroded for lack of practice. Increasingly, I am having difficulty reading French publications and listening to French dialogue (in movies and song, for example).

So I'm studying French as anyone would if they were learning a new language. You start with grammar and writing (this month), then do literature and reading (January2013), listening and culture (February2013), and finally conversation (March2013). So by summer next year, I should be fluent again. It is easy this time because I already have some background in the language.

But it will take hard work and commitment to finish well. I use library books and study for an hour each day. Apart from an ongoing effort to connect with French students and speakers around town, I also do a lot of memory exercises, and try to translate as much English to French as I can. Heck, I also read the Bible in French and have switched my email, Facebook, iPod, and some programs I used day-to-day to the French language. I call this the "poor man's immersion", and I can testify that it helps in getting your mindset back into the language and culture.

Free Weekends

A lot has happened over the last month that I'm surprised I have not gone insane by now. There have been births, deaths, deadlines, demanding projects, and other personal obligations that consumed every wake hour I had. It is actually amazing how easily we burn through weeks and months without a second thought, until our bodies must physically warn us about the abuse (burnout). Without anything substantial to show for the month, it feels like you wasted or lost time. Life is quite cutthroat at that rate.

But the secret to maintaining sanity and preventing a total breakdown: rest and play. Yes, mindless play and laughter like kids do best. And plenty of rest like you have no concern in this world. So as a family we started a year ago the practice of reserving a free weekend (Friday evening through Sunday night) each month during which we unplug from the busyness around us. During our monthly planning sessions, the first thing we decide is when to have this weekend. We schedule absolutely nothing (or as little as possible) that whole time so we can rest, no matter what is on our plate. We might plan a leisurely getaway, but we usually just stay home because travel can be cumbersome and tiring itself.

A miracle happens during that weekend for me: willful neglect of social media, email, and entertainment (except background music). I typically don't do church or answer my phone as well. Nor do I concern myself with anything remotely considered an adult responsibility. Complete blackout from the usual grind. On the other end of the weekend, we are energized and have better perspective on the challenges we face. Definitely time well spent.

Study Frenzy

I really don't miss school/college, but I do love to learn. So it is not surprising that from time to time, I choose topics to study and can sometimes overdo it, much like I find myself this week. Because of upcoming changes in my work environments, I've found it necessary to spruce up some technical skills. So I am currently reading:

• Ext JS 4: a technology for rich web user interfaces and mobile applications. You can produce some nice-looking and responsive websites and mobile apps this way.
• Spring 3.1: a technology used widely in Java to wire various components of an application. For example, I use it a lot to manage how I use Hibernate (data persistence), security, website presentation on the server, and application configuration, to mention but a few.
• Hibernate 4.1: my preferred library to handle interaction with databases, abstracting a lot of the details and allowing me to use ORM in my apps.
• Mule ESB 3.3: in an enterprise with different kinds of applications and systems, you need a data conduit that can connect everything together. I use this enterprise service bus to achieve exactly that, enabling legacy and other proprietary applications to communicate.
• ActiveMQ: a better way to move data reliably using message queuing. This is part of what will be implemented on the ESB.

All the above studies are skill/tool upgrades except ActiveMQ. Usually when I find myself using older libraries and technologies (or newer ones offer attractive features or fix old problems), I conduct a study to learn what's new and end up upgrading my entire code base. So it looks like the rest of the year will be consumed with completing this upgrade.

Besides these studies, I am also primarily still developing LeafCompass, the portal for landscapers. The first release is out, to be followed soon by a mobile version and a comprehensive support site.

As if that isn't enough, I am in self-taught mode for business administration: I'm feeling the itch to start ramping up my small business Strive Consulting, LLC and taking on more jobs, and eventually becoming completely self-employed. So I am designing a new app that will help administer that business too (so I can achieve operational automation and efficiency through technology).

Talk of busyness, I am! But the study frenzy seems like a necessary step at this stage in my life. I know it will pay off, so I do it despite how boring it is and how tired I end up.

We Fit(ness) Together

I'd be hard-pressed to find anyone that never works out and yet is physically fit. So that we look and feel good, we all must work out. Some do gyms and others get personal trainers -- we just do DVD programs at home. Enter "Insanity", which we have been doing on and off for the last couple of months. My wife does another women's Beachbody product from time to time, which has served her well.

We've seen some results, even with our lackluster commitment, so we know that if we work harder at it and be more consistent, we'll see even better results. Actually, my wife has been more successful at exercise than I, working out pretty much every weekday even if I do not join her. I realize that (1) I have a bad habit of working out in 1-2 week spurts then taking a week or two off, (2) I work out better in the evenings than in the mornings, and (3) exercise can become routine and boring, creating less of an desire to commit seriously.

So I've designated October and November as the months I intend to finish the entire "Insanity" workout. To encourage my wife in her workouts, I'll workout in the mornings with her. I'll workout everyday (except Sundays) so I can be true to the workout and see if it really delivers on its promise of serious abs and better cardio response. I'll work out to my own music though, to keep things interesting, and will "test" my physical fitness every 2 weeks with a brisk hike up the Manitou Springs Incline. Yes, this all sounds like a New Year's resolution -- and it is. Simply applied really late into the year.

At the other end though, I expect good health and vanity. I mean, why else do we work out?

Be Still

Psalm 46:10 (NIV) “He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;”

Right now I’m struggling with the stillness God has placed in my life. As my friends run around franticly with their busy schedules I sit with little to do. As Americans we fill our days and our importance is based on how busy we are. In my devotionals it talks about King David being anointed at age 15 but not made king till age 30. 15 years of waiting- wow! Not an easy thing to do. I struggle with being still and waiting on God. I’ve been calling out to God. Talking to him in verbal conversation. Even though I struggle I am finding some sweet time with Him. I see how too often I exhort God and go about my busy life but now I’m resting in Him. Take some time to be still and be with God.

Do Newly-Weds Need Life Insurance?

Soon after the wedding day, somebody will approach you with an offer for life insurance (your bank or companies that hawk change-of-name records from the state). You'll hear how important it is to "protect" your loved ones, and scary scenarios will be presented, with an emphasis to buy coverage right away. Nobody really sits down to discuss with you whether you really need life insurance at all, or which kind will work for you best. If they did, they might find out that you don't really need it, kind of like where we find ourselves at this juncture.

Newly-weds (less than 24 months married) don't need life insurance if they (1) both have jobs/incomes, (2) have no children, (3) have no debt, including a mortgage, (4) have a fully-funded emergency fund, (5) are young and healthy enough, (6) have low-risk livelihoods, and (7) have no other shared long-term financial obligations. Note the emphasis on "need", because some agents sell insurance as a necessity, which it isn't. The key: if one spouse could comfortably live on their own income, it is not needed. It is important to understand term life insurance as "income replacement" and be realistic about what additional help you would need were your spouse to pass away. As newly-weds in said situation, we figure the only costs we should care about in that sense are funeral costs and perhaps any related hospital bills. As it is, our emergency fund would help with that. This highlights another reason why you should have a generous emergency fund even before you consider the luxury of life insurance.

Every marriage is different though, so assess yours carefully. The 7 criteria above will be a good start. The sooner you buy insurance, the lower the premium you are likely to secure because of your age, health, and prevailing market conditions (insurability). Your insurance agent will make sure you know this fact, but don't panic: everyone will die someday (Heb.9:27), and what matters more than anything is where your soul is headed at that point. Actually I find it a little ridiculous that the life insurance calculation is basically a bet that you will both outlive your policy (or they wouldn't offer to insure you if it were more likely that you'd die within term). It makes business sense that way for the insurer. But just be objective about it, understand it, ask a ton of questions, then choose a policy that is right for you.

That said, it makes good financial sense to considered it and buy a policy no later than your second anniversary. Use the time to stabilize and understand your particular financial dynamic, build a healthy emergency fund, and prepare yourself to tackle the hard topic of death and beneficiaries. It need not be seriously emotional or morbid, but sensible.

A Political Stake

Considering the upcoming US presidential elections, everyone has a political opinion about today's national issues and which presidential candidate would be best suited to resolve them. We are no exception: our home is a two-party system, representing the Republican party and the independents, so our political opinions come from those perspectives. Whoever said marriage was supposed to be an "equally-yoked" union didn't consider that politics can be an integral part of a marriage: a Republican can marry a Democrat and they will thrive.

I am more politically active than my wife, participating in various debates, political forums on various issues, and volunteering in local politics. I am interested in how government works, and how the experiment of democracy manifests itself. I am also interested in social justice issues and the exercise of morality in society (as informed by my Christian faith). In fact, I think that morality and social justice precede politics, which is why I would more likely vote on the issues than the hardline party positions.

In another life, I'd do well as a political analyst or fact checker. I listen to both liberal and conservative opinion but make up my mind based on research, facts, and general reality. Wherever the apparent truth leads is where I establish my position, no matter which political party originated it. My politics are not too tightly coupled to my religion per se, leaving me room to consider positions that perhaps many fellow Christians would frown own. In fact, the only hate mail I've ever received came from well-meaning conservative Christians against certain political opinions I espoused. I've surprisingly lost friends over politics. I find that some people are so deep into their party or politics that they fail to recognize when change is needed or know when they might be wrong about certain issues. I call that "political slavery", when you do not feel free to even hear out dissenting opinion or understand those that may not agree with you, to the extent that you harbor hate towards them and propagate lies about them. I'd rather the truth be known, undefiled, and let there be a variety of political opinion and debate about it.

So as I embark on a fresh review of current political issues and consider the presidential candidates' positions, I am burdened to find truth in the rhetoric, consider implications of positions or policy proposals, and figure out how I will be impacted or benefit from them. It is prime to be informed before you voice an opinion. In short order, I'll also discover how politics works inside a family: is it necessary that you agree on everything politically, or is it alright (and even desired) that there be differing perspectives in that regard? As long as you are not politically enslaved, healthy debate or current affairs and freedom of political expression (without imposing on your spouse) should be a good thing.

Quabling About Chores

In every marriage, there is the inevitable discussion about chores and who does what around the home, usually early on in the marriage. Who is responsible for the cars, finances, trash, cleaning, food and groceries, laundry, and dishes, especially when both of you are income earners? We've had a couple such discussions ourselves, and have learned some important principles as we worked through those conflicts. Here we go with the lessons learned:

1. Know what chores or tasks need to be done around the home. Be an expert in that domain, such that if you are responsible for your cars, you are always on top of the game that your wife doesn't have to worry about how the cars are doing.
2. Know that there will always be things to do, and they will change over time. And know that no one outside the marriage will do these things for you -- one of you will have to. This is for a long haul.
3. Know that you are equally entitled to any of the chores, good or bad, but that whoever is better at some task should preferably take ownership of it. It'll make the grind easier. So if she is better at managing finances than I am, there no good reason why I should insist on handling that task.
4. Understand that you each have to put 100% effort into doing whatever you do. Marriage teamwork demands that 100% plus 100% equal a collective 100%. Weird math. There a beauty here though: when one of you cannot do their part, you still have 100% coverage.
5. Have an attitude of service when you do your appointed tasks. That is how you serve your spouse, sacrificially. It helps to remember this when you are doing something you particularly hate doing.
6. Find a certain contentment in what you do, and seek out opportunities to get better at it or grow. Someday perhaps I'll figure out a way to dispose of trash without having to carry it to the trash bin downstairs. Using lasers maybe.
7. Recognize that your spouse may go about certain tasks in ways you find strange, inefficient, or incredible. Don't impose your way of doing things on them; be glad that they are doing the task at all. Let them totally own the tasks, including when they choose to do those tasks.
8. Be open to critique from your spouse, if it is meant to help you do your task or chore better. You can learn a thing or two and make life easier by sharing tips about how to do things and experiences. If you constantly don't like how/what they do, better do it yourself next time.
9. If you have done a chore to the best of your effort, find contentment in that. Don't sweat what you didn't know could be done to improve your task or do it easier. If it is sufficient, that's all you need to do.
10. Strive to understand what chores or tasks your spouse does. You will know when you can help her out from time to time, or how to do those tasks when she is not able to. Ideally, you should be able to do every task or chore yourself, if it came to that.
11. Don't let yourself be overwhelmed by chores or tasks. You are free to postpone them or ask your spouse for help. Take a breather from time to time, especially when the task begins feeling mundane or boring. There are days when I can't get to things, and I am glad my wife is there to cover them.
12. Most importantly (in concert with #10), recognize your spouse for what they do. Appreciate them, thank them, applaud them for all that they do. This is the number one complaint among many wives: that they are never appreciated for the seemingly endless chores they do!
13. Understand that your spouse is not perfect. Don't expect perfect work. If you can improve on something, quietly do it without any raucous. As a team, you can make something better together. Conversely, don't take things personally if your work has been improved on. It's for the good of the both of you.

While there are marriages where such a conversation never arose (everybody knew their roles and responsibilities right away), a lot of us have had to sort through this issue and align our expectations to make things work. I wish tips like these had been covered in premarital counseling, in addition to many other useful concepts.

Cooking Experiments

Every 2-3 months, we like to do what I call "cooking experiments". This is a simple idea: we cook some food and make some drink we have never done, usually from another part of the world. We usually invite a few friends to participate, but we cover all associated costs for such an event. It is often an all-afternoon affair with an ulterior goal of getting to hang out with people we esteem or value, or new friends we'd like to get to know better. There is honesty around food and light chatter.

The experiment itself revolves around a theme. We've done parts of the world: Brazilian, Russian, Australian, Indian, and African, among others. Whichever theme we choose, we spend the week-of learning a thing or two about the culture and the food, and listening to music from the region, or queuing up movies or film about/from the area. We also look up native/traditional recipes (or staples) and assemble some options to choose from on the day of the event.

On the day of the event after our guests arrive, we consider the recipes and vote on a snack, main dish, dessert, and/or a drink to make that afternoon. Then we all go shopping for ingredients and then spend the afternoon preparing the food. Background music is according to theme, and will fix time for the movie or film selection (either while we eat or while we wait for the food to cook). We talk about that region and anything interesting we might have learned, whatever. Once, some guests even dressed up to the occasion in attire befitting the theme! These are fun events.

I started doing this tradition 4 years ago; my wife has only been around for three such events. It started for me as a way to learn how to cook well, where I enlisted friends to help me out. Participants enjoyed it, so we decided to do it regularly. We used to have games too, but because of how involved the cooking can get, there is seldom any time for that.We plan to keep this tradition alive for as long as we can, hosting various people from time to time.

Where We Live

We've lived in this neighborhood for over a year now, and plan to stay for another 1-2 years, God-willing, or until we can afford to buy a house. This is by far the nicest apartment we have lived in, a gated community and all. Ours in a medium-sized 2-bedroom apartment on the third floor, with most of the amenities we were looking for in an apartment -- our own A/C unit, own water heating unit, dishwasher, laundry washer and dryer, space (extra room), thick walls, quiet neighborhood, proximity to both our workplaces, swimming pool and hot tub and clubhouse, and good water flow from our faucets, among other things. The only thing we didn't get (and actually don't need) is a fireplace. We've grown to like this place.

No apartment is perfect, however. Within the first few months of moving in, some things irked us:

1. Similar places in this part of town are a little less expensive.
2. High utility bills in the $100-$200 range. The bill lists electricity and gas used administratively/communally (e.g. to keep the pool warm or run security lights around the complex), wind energy investment (a rip-off, in my opinion), water, sewage, and trash. In addition to that, you also pay separately the city utility company for electricity and gas (around $70 tops). We really can't do anything to reduce the utility cost because it is shared by all residents and follows some protocol in how they determine which apartments pay how much.
3. Parking! It seems to me that there are are more apartment units than parking spots, so it is not uncommon to park outside the fence on side roads or 2 apartment blocks away from where you live. Garages run $80/month while covered parking with cost about $35/month.

Other than that, this is a really nice place to live. The grounds are well-kept and maintenance service is prompt. It is close enough to the Interstate, grocery shopping is within walking distance, outdoor opportunities nearby, church and work (mine) very close. It is comfortable living, and we are thankful to God for it.

Mattress Etiquette

I have a strange habit that many find odd: I enjoy sleeping on bare carpet. Something about how unconvetional it is, or maybe the firmness it offers. It could also be because when I lived in Africa, my bedding wasn't any better and my body acclimated to such conditions. In any case, it is not rare to find me happily passed out on my home office carpet. I often joke that if my wife were to send me to the dog house, she wouldn't have many options -- the couch is an upgrade from the carpet.

So for a long time I did not care about our bedding until she began complaining of back pain and uncomfortable sleep. The bedding we have is over 10 years old, from my late teens. Although I bought the mattress new back then, the rest of the bedding was concocted from throw-aways. About time we considered something more suitable for this stage of life.

Bedding is not cheap and the array of choices is dizzying! I honestly do not perceive the difference in sleep quality between a $900 and a $2500 mattress. Especially that it is recommended to change bedding every 5-7 years, you need not break the bank. So the first thing is deciding how much you want to spend. Other choices: spring vs. foam, adjustable or not, pillow-top or none, firm or plush, queen or king size, bedframe or platform, and whether you get the bed set or just the mattress. Most stores charge for delivery and a disposal fee if you want them to discard your old crap. You should ensure a manufacturer warranty of 7-10 years and a generous return policy if it so happens that your new mattress doesn't live up to expectations. I know the brand we got has a lot of negative reviews, so there might be occasion for return. We got both a bed set and frame for under $1000, delivered, from American Furniture Warehouse, which has a back-to-school sale this weekend. Other smaller stores had good choices too, but markedly more expensive than the package we got at American Furniture.

6-Week Programming Marathon

Now in the sixth month of development, I'd like to see my latest big project LeafCompass.com wrapped up the sooner the better. It is beginning to feel like I have been at it too long, that I need a fresh and new pursuit. My wild target to complete all contractual obligations by September 30 does not seem too far-fetched, but it will require a lot of effort, drive, and commitment. With those at hand, I am ready to enter what I call a "programming marathon" - where I pour everything I have into software development in order to churn out more features in the shortest possible time.

The next 6 weeks will not be fun - especially for my wife. Whenever I've had such marathons, she's observed that I get too consumed with the projects and leave nothing for her and the marriage (and rightly so). So I am treading carefully this time, both to make sure I am fully present at home and to lay a framework for how I will handle future marathons, if needed, without letting the marriage dynamic suffer. I'm all about experimentation to learn new ways of doing things.

So what actually happens during these marathons? Programming a ton. Little sleep. Junk food. All-nighters. No social life. No exercise. No TV shows. No drum practice. Background music all the time. Coffee. Heavily-chalked blackboard with visualizations of various ideas. Odd sleep hours. Any moment you don't have to be anywhere else, you spend working on the program. Non-stop. It's not fun, but I always get a ton of work done. This little habit saw me through college. I'm one of those guys that could do two all-nighters before the final exam and still pass the class having not attended most of it throughout the semester. In six weeks, we'll know whether I still got the mojo.

Summers Baby Shower

One of my wife's joys is hosting other people in our home. Because of that, we always try to have different people over about once a month for dinner, cooking experiment or games. But last weekend we had the awesome opportunity to host one of my sister's baby showers. Small and intimate, with good food, music, and people, it was a blessing to celebrate with them. They are expecting a girl come late October.

Might I say that this is the first baby shower I ever attended? I was quite apprehensive about the presence of men at such an event, given that it is predominantly a women's thing. But no harm done, there were a few of us and we all survived.

Breakfast and Devotionals

Avalon, Catalina Island, CA

On the third day of our marriage (during our honeymoon on Catalina Island, CA), we were listening to a reading of the Bible off the YouVersion Bible app on my phone when breakfast was delivered and setup in our room. While we ate, we listened some more and discussed the chapter. We liked how natural it felt doing devotionals during breakfast, that we decided to adopt the idea as our first family tradition going forward.

This special morning tradition also gives us an opportunity for face time each day, no matter how busy the rest of the day may go. We use the time to update each other on plans for the day, and hear news or whatever we may have learned recently worth sharing. Mostly though, we go through a devotional guide together and have prayers before we head out into the world. Whenever we can't make it some days, we still study the devotionals on our own. It is a right way to start the day -- with food and God.

Studying: WordPress

I've been waiting more than a year to begin upgrading my WordPress skills. At this point, I am interested in learning enough of this versatile platform to be able to develop themes, plugins, and sophisticated websites on WordPress.

I have three goals with this study, which I expect to last 1-2 months:

1. Be able to develop dynamic websites that use real-time and other sources of data from an Enterprise Service Bus. This is mostly for work, where we need a replacement for the wiki system. Content would be generated and posted from automation tools and other external processes.
2. Be able to develop entire websites in WordPress, coupled with a Java or Perl back-end or web services with SOAP. I would like to create technical publishing services this way.
3. Learn to design themes, develop plugins, and work comfortably with WordPress under-the-hood. Is programmatic full-access to a WordPress installation even possible? We'll find out.

This is the first of 3 books I will be reading, unless I find out soon enough that I cannot meet my goals using WordPress. I realized it is aged (published in 2010), but it is a good starting point. More technical discussions shall be posted at http://blog.strive-ltd.com/.

Private Study Time

Unless you are a student or taking correspondence courses, or unless it was already an important habit, many newly married people seldom study or do diligent research. Is private study an essential component of a marriage life? How much time should be spent on such an activity? What kinds of things should be studied?

I think each marriage ought to encourage and facilitate private study time, where each individual can pursue topics of their interest for personal enrichment. Learning does not end when you get married: in fact, it ought to increase as you understand your spouse better, and as you grow individually. I, for example, love to learn. If I have not learned anything new recently about my wife, my job, my community, politics, or even nature, life feels quite stagnant and hopeless. Beyond that, everyone finds themselves from time-to-time in unfamiliar situations; it is worth doing some research on the subject to make better decisions.

It need not be long hours of study: 2-3 hours each morning before breakfast serves me well. My wife likes reading before bed for an hour or so. Whatever works, remain consistent. Feel free to explore a wide variety of topics, including those you wouldn't naturally be inclined to read up on. By knowing what your spouse is studying or reading, you will understand their interests and perspective better and see ways to support them if something triggers some action or project.

Lately, my study time has been consumed with technology/computing study or programming (usually a book on some skill I'd like to get better at), religious and Bible study (such as apologetics or books by Christian authors), or general research on everything from politics to nature, and travel destinations to health and food. Whenever we make big plans, we always do some research to inform our decision. It helps a lot to be in the know about things that matter.

Sleep Compromise

What do you do when he only needs 4-5 hours of sleep, and she needs 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep? You work out a compromise: go to bed at the same time. What if your typical bed times are different? As a bachelor, I got used to bedtimes just after midnight; my wife, on the other hand, would rather be in bed by 9pm. So we came up with another compromise: bedtime around 10pm. Small victory.

The only catch is that a 10pm bedtime means I will be up before 3am. I can use those 4 hours before breakfast to study or do some software development, but an early day sometimes means I am worn out early in the afternoon. The current solution is to take a power nap around lunch time in order to remain productive/functional throughout the day. This requires being very intentional and not getting absorbed into the busyness that you fail to take care of yourself.

Bring On The Emergencies

Not literally praying for emergencies, but celebrating the achievement of our first financial goal: saving enough for all emergencies we can reasonably perceive. It took us a little over 6 months to set up a fully-funded emergency fund (as Dave Ramsey would advise). The few things we consider emergencies include: health insurance maximum out-of-pocket copay beyond what our plan covers, 4 months minimum income if we were both  simultaneously jobless, renters insurance deductible, auto insurance deductible and miscellaneous car repairs, and travel anywhere in the US on short notice.

The chances of all these events happening at once are minimal, but it is peace of mind to know that if it so happened, we would be alright. Because those chances are small, we are confident we can handle any other unperceived emergency too, without going into debt. In fact, we no longer have credit cards solely held for emergency purposes. It is a good feeling to have some control over your finances. It took a lot of discipline and sacrifice, but we can already taste its worth.