The Baby Books We Shall Read

New parents have no idea what they are getting into, no matter how much they have seen or heard about it from others. Advice is abounding from every corner, but the truth is that you don't know what kind of parent you will become until you are one. Others' parenting styles might not work for you, but that's an opportunity: you get to come up with your own thing.

We know we want to be informed parents, among other thing, so we selected a few books to introduce us to the topic and get us started on the same page. Interestingly, I find that the more I read, the more it looks likely that we will end up improvising a whole lot. It seems that book knowledge plays a lesser role than experience (what really works in the end) and instinct. A friend recently told me: you'll know what to do when you have to do it. But I'd like those actions to be smart.

Since we won't remember all the advice we have received at this point, we decided to at least read up and bookmark what we think might be helpful.

We think our parenting will start with the ideas in "Babywise" (Bucknam), especially those about sleep and feeding schedules, if they will work for us. The other books are mostly supplemental and for reference, sources of other ideas we might find useful down the road. We are quite determined to not be "bookish" parents who follow book recipes to the tee, but more organic and with a high level of freedom in style. (I obviously don't know what that means!).

The Nursery Is Ready Too

For 2 days late June, we committed to setting up the nursery. For parents that do not want to co-sleep, the idea is that this baby will sleep in his own room at night from about 8 weeks old. Before that, he'll be in a bassinet right next to mom, and during the day, in a pack-n-play on the main floor. This nursery is more for those nights he will noisily resist sleeping.

Thanks for the Baby Gifts

Our thanks are long overdue, to everyone that sent or bought us stuff for the baby. There were two baby showers, some of you visited our baby registries, and a few personally delivered the gifts to us. A few brave ones made stuff for us! We appreciate it all, and we are grateful for friends and family like you. THANK YOU!

In addition to what we got, we went out one day in June and bought a whole bunch more stuff. In fact, $900 worth of stuff. Stuff we think we will need. Had we not received the baby gifts you all gave, we'd have spent about $1,750 to get them all. We've heard that it is expensive to have a kid, but now we know how much the start-up costs are. Blah.

How Impending Job Loss Is A Blessing

In December 2013, we sat down to strategize how the next year would go. We knew it would be our biggest year yet, specifically with the arrival of our first child, and finally becoming homeowners. Because of those two events, we anticipated our living costs would rise, so we talked about increasing our income 15% in 2014. Calculations showed we would manage better with such a margin if it came down to my wife becoming a stay-at-home mom. We could still get by on my current salary, but it'd be harder going forward. We had a few options at our disposal: (1) trim our budget so we live on less, (2) I get a second job that brings in the extra 15%, or (3) we somehow get raises or promotions that make up the 15%. We decided we would pursue all three options in the new year and see where we end up.

Enter 2014. We curb our appetites and the budget loses weight. Success! I start looking for contracts under my small business STRIVE. Promising! At our annual employee performance reviews, we inquire about raises and promotions, or lateral movement within our respective companies. Bleak! The first two options are viable, but the third is a no-go. We buy a house with 20% downpayment, leaving us with the lowest reserves we've seen in our entire marriage. Super! Then in April, we learn that my current job would be ending, the consequence of our company's acquisition and absorption into another. Bummer! Initially, it looks like the rest of the year will suck, but we chose to trust God still for our well-being and livelihood.

During that week, we literally "cast our burdens" unto God and reflected on how faithful He had been in our life thus far. We were reminded that when we yearned for a mate, we found each other although it wasn't how we had thought we'd meet our spouse. We wanted an easy marriage, and we have it. We wanted a child, and he'll be here in 3 weeks. We wanted a house, and we found it in 5 weeks. It even closed in much less time than short-sales usually do. We pray for good health and have generally lived it. Whatever we have needed, He has been faithful to provide, in His own time, in His own way.

Even in the impending job loss, we still see God's hand at work:
(1) The job does not end immediately -- I have until March 31, 2015. Most other layoffs have been immediate.
(2) It means we would still have our health coverage, which we think is important to have for at least the baby's first few months. We'll have 7 months.
(3) At the end of the job, I'll receive a severance package equivalent to 16 weeks of my current pay. That's 4 months income while I look for another job. I sense that we'll need me home these four months with the baby, depending on how childcare works out.
(4) It would have been impossible to get a 15% raise soon enough in this job, even through promotion. I would have had to work a lot more hours chasing the unattainable goal at the expense of time spent with family.
(5) Until the job ends, I have ample time to find a good job that can meet our original goal, without pressure to find something quickly or settle for the first thing that comes down the pipe.
(6) I can use the time until then to spruce up my resume, update my skills and even attain new ones that would make me more marketable. I've perused the job postings and feel confident that I will find work relatively easily when I start applying. It's also given me a chance to learn what skills are in demand today so I can prepare accordingly.
(7) The company has changed so much since the acquisition that some perks we were counting on after the baby arrives will no longer be there. The flexibility to work from home is gone (they prefer everyone to be in the office), among other things. Eventually, I would have hated working here.

For many people, losing a job is the worst blow to their lives. But we are blessed that we are in the best possible financial and emotional position to handle this impending job loss, so our pity party lasted only a week. Our emergency plans allow for a worst-case scenario of 6 months basic living if we both lost our jobs. Besides that, the severance package and unemployment benefits would cover us for up to 2 years. That in itself is a blessing, to have such safety nets in place.

We nonetheless do not anticipate that I will be unemployed for long, if at all. I'll officially start looking for another job in February 2015, although if a great opportunity presents before then, I'll seriously consider it. We trust that God will still be providing our daily needs no matter what happens, and are eagerly anticipating how the rest of the year will unfold.

Mobility Upgrades With 37 Days To Go

Preparations for the baby are now in high gear, with only 37 days remaining until his birth. As the anticipation builds, we finally start unboxing things and setting up the home proper for a baby.

We are told we will not be allowed to leave the hospital without a car seat and one that is properly installed in the vehicle. So our first order of business has been to install car seat bases in both our vehicles, test out the car seat transfers from home to car and back, and get used to the different harnesses and latches in this equipment. I believe I have not read equipment manuals as much as I did for this task.

While we were at it, we also assembled the jogging stroller, which can fit either of our car seats in rear-facing position. This coming week, we'll test the stroller (fully loaded) outdoors when we do our walks. But from now on, each of our vehicles will have a car seat, with practice taking it out when we go to work and bringing it in when we return home.

On left, Subaru installation of a BabyTrends Fixed car seat. Subarus don't do middle rear-seat installations, so the passenger-side rear seat will do. This car seat comes LATCH-ready though I wish there was another anchor on the front of the seat to control vertal bounce. The Nissan allows a middle rear-seat installation (statistically the safest spot in the car), and the Safety 1st car seat can only do belt installation. Perfect match. On right, our very fancy Expedition ELX jogging stroller. Luckily, it can fit either of our car seats.

In hindsight, we should have attended the safety class first, then inspected our vehicles before acquiring the car seats; we did it in reverse order instead. Car safety classes can seem pointless but they are good for laying out what you should consider in your particular situation. Then you must follow them with vehicle manuals and YouTube videos from the car seat manufacturer to get fully immersed.