Private Study Time

Unless you are a student or taking correspondence courses, or unless it was already an important habit, many newly married people seldom study or do diligent research. Is private study an essential component of a marriage life? How much time should be spent on such an activity? What kinds of things should be studied?

I think each marriage ought to encourage and facilitate private study time, where each individual can pursue topics of their interest for personal enrichment. Learning does not end when you get married: in fact, it ought to increase as you understand your spouse better, and as you grow individually. I, for example, love to learn. If I have not learned anything new recently about my wife, my job, my community, politics, or even nature, life feels quite stagnant and hopeless. Beyond that, everyone finds themselves from time-to-time in unfamiliar situations; it is worth doing some research on the subject to make better decisions.

It need not be long hours of study: 2-3 hours each morning before breakfast serves me well. My wife likes reading before bed for an hour or so. Whatever works, remain consistent. Feel free to explore a wide variety of topics, including those you wouldn't naturally be inclined to read up on. By knowing what your spouse is studying or reading, you will understand their interests and perspective better and see ways to support them if something triggers some action or project.

Lately, my study time has been consumed with technology/computing study or programming (usually a book on some skill I'd like to get better at), religious and Bible study (such as apologetics or books by Christian authors), or general research on everything from politics to nature, and travel destinations to health and food. Whenever we make big plans, we always do some research to inform our decision. It helps a lot to be in the know about things that matter.

Sleep Compromise

What do you do when he only needs 4-5 hours of sleep, and she needs 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep? You work out a compromise: go to bed at the same time. What if your typical bed times are different? As a bachelor, I got used to bedtimes just after midnight; my wife, on the other hand, would rather be in bed by 9pm. So we came up with another compromise: bedtime around 10pm. Small victory.

The only catch is that a 10pm bedtime means I will be up before 3am. I can use those 4 hours before breakfast to study or do some software development, but an early day sometimes means I am worn out early in the afternoon. The current solution is to take a power nap around lunch time in order to remain productive/functional throughout the day. This requires being very intentional and not getting absorbed into the busyness that you fail to take care of yourself.

Bring On The Emergencies

Not literally praying for emergencies, but celebrating the achievement of our first financial goal: saving enough for all emergencies we can reasonably perceive. It took us a little over 6 months to set up a fully-funded emergency fund (as Dave Ramsey would advise). The few things we consider emergencies include: health insurance maximum out-of-pocket copay beyond what our plan covers, 4 months minimum income if we were both  simultaneously jobless, renters insurance deductible, auto insurance deductible and miscellaneous car repairs, and travel anywhere in the US on short notice.

The chances of all these events happening at once are minimal, but it is peace of mind to know that if it so happened, we would be alright. Because those chances are small, we are confident we can handle any other unperceived emergency too, without going into debt. In fact, we no longer have credit cards solely held for emergency purposes. It is a good feeling to have some control over your finances. It took a lot of discipline and sacrifice, but we can already taste its worth.