Different Shopping Habits

We've been told in the past: you must agree on everything in marriage. But now I tell you, it is okay to disagree on non-essentials and be content with that. And so it goes that when it comes to grocery shopping, we ended up at an impasse.

Like when I shop according to a grocery list, I won't bring home anything that is not on the list. But she does, sometimes to take advantage of a good sale or an impulse purchase that was hard to resist. With my way, we miss out on last-minute deals discovered at the grocery store; with her way, we almost certainly go over-budget or end up with food we can't use before it goes bad. No one way is better, but they are fundamentally different.

Or like when my minimalist tendencies cause me to favor having the means to get things only when we need them, rather than her tendency to attain things in case we will need them. This difference in perspective means we consider material possessions differently.

Or like when she does all the shopping in half the time it would take me. She's learned her way around the grocery store, optimizing the shopping list so she walks the shortest route in the aisles. I'm a multi-pass guy and don't mind bouncing from end to end in the store, as long as I find what I need. Her way is better.

Or like when I have ideas to "modernize" our grocery shopping with the latest apps: ones that allow procuring of shopping lists based on recipes, provide coupons and deals, allow you to plan your meals, rate and recommend recipes, provide price comparisons, and count your calories. (I'm still looking for such an app, if it exists). She won't entertain any of this. Her way of good old paper-and-pen is more practical, but I hold out hope she'll see the light someday.

Or like when we squabble about what to actually buy. We did this experiment once where we decided to go grocery shopping without a list -- the idea was to decide everything at the store. To say the least, we drove back home pissed off at each other, and having spent way more than we planned. Two other joint shopping trips later, we concluded we have "irreconcilable differences" in shopping intelligence and decision-making, that it would be best for just one of us to go alone when it is needed.

You can agree to disagree on non-essentials, and that can be the normal for your marriage. Shopping is trivial, but there are bigger issues where "agree to disagree" is a harmonious solution. No need to work against the grain to force your perspectives onto the same page.