Fertility Awareness, As It Were

It seems to me that fertility is a rarely-discussed subject even among couples, perhaps because it is a deeply personal matter or because it is taken for granted by most people as a fact of life. Or both. There is no species on this earth that does not reproduce somehow, so it is no surprise that for most of us, the question has always been "when" rather than "how". After all, the "how" was sufficiently covered in 6th grade and is the theme of many a television show. But I contend that what lies beyond the "when" is the most interesting part of the story.

Enter the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" (Toni Weschler) back in June, and we learn about the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM), the all-natural family planning method. We realized that conception is a carefully designed process but with lots of opportunities to fail. In fact, I am impressed at how simultaneously simple and intricate it is (engineering perspective) that I marveled at how awesome God works (still). I also realize that I knew very little about the physiology of conception, the avalanche of events that must happen predictably for anyone to get pregnant. It's actually quite a beautiful story, one short of a miracle.

So we become FAM converts and started the usual rituals: BBT charting and observation of other fertility signs. It is actually quite fun understanding how our particular situation works, but after 3 months the observations indicated possible fertility problems. This is how we initially discovered our infertility, and it prompted us to seek professional diagnosis right away. The clinical definition of infertility would have required us to wait a year before visiting a specialist for diagnosis, but we didn't see the point of that. Had we not been practicing FAM, I believe we would never have discovered that we will face infertility. From what we had learned, we also know that the majority of infertility causes are treatable. Hope!

Until you've experienced infertility, you won't know that 11% of women 15-44 are chronically infertile or not able to carry a pregnancy to term. You won't know that 1 in 8 couples struggle with fertility issues, according to Resolve. You won't know the personal and emotional toll it takes on a marriage. You might not even notice how many women out there are pregnant, or that there seems to be so many babies everywhere you go. An apparent prejudice will cross your mind: how is it that people who don't want kids get them (easily) anyway, and those who really want them must move mountains first?  You also won't know about the billion-dollar industry around infertility, complete with physician portals and big pharma, supplements and medications, various unmentionable aids and tests, websites and software, books and guides, and classes. There are numerous support and discussion communities for whatever your flavor of infertility is.

But it will expose you to three important topics: surrogacy, medical interventions (IVFs, etc) and adoption, should your treatments not work. These are perhaps the first big discussions we have had in our marriage, and I am glad we have had the opportunity to consider them.