Do Newly-Weds Need Life Insurance?

Soon after the wedding day, somebody will approach you with an offer for life insurance (your bank or companies that hawk change-of-name records from the state). You'll hear how important it is to "protect" your loved ones, and scary scenarios will be presented, with an emphasis to buy coverage right away. Nobody really sits down to discuss with you whether you really need life insurance at all, or which kind will work for you best. If they did, they might find out that you don't really need it, kind of like where we find ourselves at this juncture.

Newly-weds (less than 24 months married) don't need life insurance if they (1) both have jobs/incomes, (2) have no children, (3) have no debt, including a mortgage, (4) have a fully-funded emergency fund, (5) are young and healthy enough, (6) have low-risk livelihoods, and (7) have no other shared long-term financial obligations. Note the emphasis on "need", because some agents sell insurance as a necessity, which it isn't. The key: if one spouse could comfortably live on their own income, it is not needed. It is important to understand term life insurance as "income replacement" and be realistic about what additional help you would need were your spouse to pass away. As newly-weds in said situation, we figure the only costs we should care about in that sense are funeral costs and perhaps any related hospital bills. As it is, our emergency fund would help with that. This highlights another reason why you should have a generous emergency fund even before you consider the luxury of life insurance.

Every marriage is different though, so assess yours carefully. The 7 criteria above will be a good start. The sooner you buy insurance, the lower the premium you are likely to secure because of your age, health, and prevailing market conditions (insurability). Your insurance agent will make sure you know this fact, but don't panic: everyone will die someday (Heb.9:27), and what matters more than anything is where your soul is headed at that point. Actually I find it a little ridiculous that the life insurance calculation is basically a bet that you will both outlive your policy (or they wouldn't offer to insure you if it were more likely that you'd die within term). It makes business sense that way for the insurer. But just be objective about it, understand it, ask a ton of questions, then choose a policy that is right for you.

That said, it makes good financial sense to considered it and buy a policy no later than your second anniversary. Use the time to stabilize and understand your particular financial dynamic, build a healthy emergency fund, and prepare yourself to tackle the hard topic of death and beneficiaries. It need not be seriously emotional or morbid, but sensible.

A Political Stake

Considering the upcoming US presidential elections, everyone has a political opinion about today's national issues and which presidential candidate would be best suited to resolve them. We are no exception: our home is a two-party system, representing the Republican party and the independents, so our political opinions come from those perspectives. Whoever said marriage was supposed to be an "equally-yoked" union didn't consider that politics can be an integral part of a marriage: a Republican can marry a Democrat and they will thrive.

I am more politically active than my wife, participating in various debates, political forums on various issues, and volunteering in local politics. I am interested in how government works, and how the experiment of democracy manifests itself. I am also interested in social justice issues and the exercise of morality in society (as informed by my Christian faith). In fact, I think that morality and social justice precede politics, which is why I would more likely vote on the issues than the hardline party positions.

In another life, I'd do well as a political analyst or fact checker. I listen to both liberal and conservative opinion but make up my mind based on research, facts, and general reality. Wherever the apparent truth leads is where I establish my position, no matter which political party originated it. My politics are not too tightly coupled to my religion per se, leaving me room to consider positions that perhaps many fellow Christians would frown own. In fact, the only hate mail I've ever received came from well-meaning conservative Christians against certain political opinions I espoused. I've surprisingly lost friends over politics. I find that some people are so deep into their party or politics that they fail to recognize when change is needed or know when they might be wrong about certain issues. I call that "political slavery", when you do not feel free to even hear out dissenting opinion or understand those that may not agree with you, to the extent that you harbor hate towards them and propagate lies about them. I'd rather the truth be known, undefiled, and let there be a variety of political opinion and debate about it.

So as I embark on a fresh review of current political issues and consider the presidential candidates' positions, I am burdened to find truth in the rhetoric, consider implications of positions or policy proposals, and figure out how I will be impacted or benefit from them. It is prime to be informed before you voice an opinion. In short order, I'll also discover how politics works inside a family: is it necessary that you agree on everything politically, or is it alright (and even desired) that there be differing perspectives in that regard? As long as you are not politically enslaved, healthy debate or current affairs and freedom of political expression (without imposing on your spouse) should be a good thing.

Quabling About Chores

In every marriage, there is the inevitable discussion about chores and who does what around the home, usually early on in the marriage. Who is responsible for the cars, finances, trash, cleaning, food and groceries, laundry, and dishes, especially when both of you are income earners? We've had a couple such discussions ourselves, and have learned some important principles as we worked through those conflicts. Here we go with the lessons learned:

1. Know what chores or tasks need to be done around the home. Be an expert in that domain, such that if you are responsible for your cars, you are always on top of the game that your wife doesn't have to worry about how the cars are doing.
2. Know that there will always be things to do, and they will change over time. And know that no one outside the marriage will do these things for you -- one of you will have to. This is for a long haul.
3. Know that you are equally entitled to any of the chores, good or bad, but that whoever is better at some task should preferably take ownership of it. It'll make the grind easier. So if she is better at managing finances than I am, there no good reason why I should insist on handling that task.
4. Understand that you each have to put 100% effort into doing whatever you do. Marriage teamwork demands that 100% plus 100% equal a collective 100%. Weird math. There a beauty here though: when one of you cannot do their part, you still have 100% coverage.
5. Have an attitude of service when you do your appointed tasks. That is how you serve your spouse, sacrificially. It helps to remember this when you are doing something you particularly hate doing.
6. Find a certain contentment in what you do, and seek out opportunities to get better at it or grow. Someday perhaps I'll figure out a way to dispose of trash without having to carry it to the trash bin downstairs. Using lasers maybe.
7. Recognize that your spouse may go about certain tasks in ways you find strange, inefficient, or incredible. Don't impose your way of doing things on them; be glad that they are doing the task at all. Let them totally own the tasks, including when they choose to do those tasks.
8. Be open to critique from your spouse, if it is meant to help you do your task or chore better. You can learn a thing or two and make life easier by sharing tips about how to do things and experiences. If you constantly don't like how/what they do, better do it yourself next time.
9. If you have done a chore to the best of your effort, find contentment in that. Don't sweat what you didn't know could be done to improve your task or do it easier. If it is sufficient, that's all you need to do.
10. Strive to understand what chores or tasks your spouse does. You will know when you can help her out from time to time, or how to do those tasks when she is not able to. Ideally, you should be able to do every task or chore yourself, if it came to that.
11. Don't let yourself be overwhelmed by chores or tasks. You are free to postpone them or ask your spouse for help. Take a breather from time to time, especially when the task begins feeling mundane or boring. There are days when I can't get to things, and I am glad my wife is there to cover them.
12. Most importantly (in concert with #10), recognize your spouse for what they do. Appreciate them, thank them, applaud them for all that they do. This is the number one complaint among many wives: that they are never appreciated for the seemingly endless chores they do!
13. Understand that your spouse is not perfect. Don't expect perfect work. If you can improve on something, quietly do it without any raucous. As a team, you can make something better together. Conversely, don't take things personally if your work has been improved on. It's for the good of the both of you.

While there are marriages where such a conversation never arose (everybody knew their roles and responsibilities right away), a lot of us have had to sort through this issue and align our expectations to make things work. I wish tips like these had been covered in premarital counseling, in addition to many other useful concepts.

Cooking Experiments

Every 2-3 months, we like to do what I call "cooking experiments". This is a simple idea: we cook some food and make some drink we have never done, usually from another part of the world. We usually invite a few friends to participate, but we cover all associated costs for such an event. It is often an all-afternoon affair with an ulterior goal of getting to hang out with people we esteem or value, or new friends we'd like to get to know better. There is honesty around food and light chatter.

The experiment itself revolves around a theme. We've done parts of the world: Brazilian, Russian, Australian, Indian, and African, among others. Whichever theme we choose, we spend the week-of learning a thing or two about the culture and the food, and listening to music from the region, or queuing up movies or film about/from the area. We also look up native/traditional recipes (or staples) and assemble some options to choose from on the day of the event.

On the day of the event after our guests arrive, we consider the recipes and vote on a snack, main dish, dessert, and/or a drink to make that afternoon. Then we all go shopping for ingredients and then spend the afternoon preparing the food. Background music is according to theme, and will fix time for the movie or film selection (either while we eat or while we wait for the food to cook). We talk about that region and anything interesting we might have learned, whatever. Once, some guests even dressed up to the occasion in attire befitting the theme! These are fun events.

I started doing this tradition 4 years ago; my wife has only been around for three such events. It started for me as a way to learn how to cook well, where I enlisted friends to help me out. Participants enjoyed it, so we decided to do it regularly. We used to have games too, but because of how involved the cooking can get, there is seldom any time for that.We plan to keep this tradition alive for as long as we can, hosting various people from time to time.

Where We Live

We've lived in this neighborhood for over a year now, and plan to stay for another 1-2 years, God-willing, or until we can afford to buy a house. This is by far the nicest apartment we have lived in, a gated community and all. Ours in a medium-sized 2-bedroom apartment on the third floor, with most of the amenities we were looking for in an apartment -- our own A/C unit, own water heating unit, dishwasher, laundry washer and dryer, space (extra room), thick walls, quiet neighborhood, proximity to both our workplaces, swimming pool and hot tub and clubhouse, and good water flow from our faucets, among other things. The only thing we didn't get (and actually don't need) is a fireplace. We've grown to like this place.

No apartment is perfect, however. Within the first few months of moving in, some things irked us:

1. Similar places in this part of town are a little less expensive.
2. High utility bills in the $100-$200 range. The bill lists electricity and gas used administratively/communally (e.g. to keep the pool warm or run security lights around the complex), wind energy investment (a rip-off, in my opinion), water, sewage, and trash. In addition to that, you also pay separately the city utility company for electricity and gas (around $70 tops). We really can't do anything to reduce the utility cost because it is shared by all residents and follows some protocol in how they determine which apartments pay how much.
3. Parking! It seems to me that there are are more apartment units than parking spots, so it is not uncommon to park outside the fence on side roads or 2 apartment blocks away from where you live. Garages run $80/month while covered parking with cost about $35/month.

Other than that, this is a really nice place to live. The grounds are well-kept and maintenance service is prompt. It is close enough to the Interstate, grocery shopping is within walking distance, outdoor opportunities nearby, church and work (mine) very close. It is comfortable living, and we are thankful to God for it.